So, God Told Kurt Warner to Spurn the 49ers. What Else Did The Almighty Say?

Categories: Sports
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Janine Kahn
Arizona Cardinals quarterback and devout Christian Kurt Warner briefly considered joining the San Francisco 49ers this week, but while he was visiting the Bay Area God apparently told Warner to forget it. "I told my wife probably 45 minutes into it that I just felt God say 'You're supposed to be in Arizona," Warner said, "and I told her that. She tried to tell me to stay open, but he just continued to confirm it."

What else did the Almighty whisper in Warner's ear?
  • Evoking my name in your transparent ploy to get a more lucrative contract out of the Cardinals is, well, sinful.
  • I hate it when you guys point up at me after a touchdown. It's so rude.
  • Count on the second coming before the Niners can count on Alex Smith at QB.
  • Al Davis is my toughest opponent every Sunday, if you know what I mean.
  • I thought that 100-yard interception return against you in the Super Bowl would teach you a little humility, but I've been wrong before. Oh, wait, no I haven't!
  • Go Saints!
  • The NFL's okay, I guess, but horse racing's my real passion.
  • The term "Hail-Mary pass" really pisses me off.
  • If desperate teams would simply call an "Our Father Pass," they'd be a lot more successful. Hint, hint.
  • Gotta go, I'm supposed to give George Bush a call at two. And I've got Osama at three. Those two never shut up.

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