A Great Day For Douchebaggery -- America's Favorite Insult Wins Court Victory
|She's hot, he's a douche -- and now you can legally say so!|
Yet "douchebag" isn't just ubiquitous -- it's also now legally protected. A New Jersey Superior Court judge earlier this month dismissed a lawsuit by a trio of "hot chicks" who objected to their photos appearing in the book Hot Chicks With Douchebags. In case you missed this tome, it is, briefly, the aforementioned hot chicks, a bevy of men with fake tans, spiky hair, sideways ballcaps, bling, ostentacious muscles, popped collars, tight tank-tops or shiny button-ups, and Billy Idol-like expressions (you know, douchebags), and author Jay Louis' Onion-like text on the evolution of douchebaggery. So, yes, if ever there was a book you could judge by its cover, this is the one.
"Hot chicks" Yvette Gorzelany, Joanna Obiedzinski, and Paulina Pakos presumably went a little beyond the cover, and likely even glanced at the photographs before filing a suit against Simon & Schuster for -- and this is not a joke -- "depict[ing] these Plaintiffs as females who date dubious men." Dubious? How about "doucheious"?
Thankfully, Judge Menelaos W. Toskos noted in his opinion -- nine pages of the most entertaining legal reading you'll ever get -- that his "examination of the entire publication" (our guess: 35 minutes) "compels the Court to conclude that a reasonable person would determine that the book Hot Chicks With Douchebags is intended to be satirical humor." He reinforces this point by noting that a quote on the book's back cover, "Douchebags need a smack" is attributed to "Gandhi."
After the headline-says-it-all story, "Mistrial After Defendant Smears Feces on Lawyer" popped up just last month, I thought it'd be a while before anything remotely as funny emanated from the legal system. I was mistaken. Take it away, Judge Toskos:
The book is replete with obvious attempts at satirical humor. For example, how can a person reasonably believe that in 1981 archaeologist Renee Emile Bellaqua uncovered in a cave in Gali Israel a highly controversial Third Century religious scroll suggesting that the "douchey/hotty" coupling was a troublesome facet in early social religious structures? Or would a reasonable person believe that Jean-Paul Sartre stated "man is condemned to be douchey because once thrown into the world he is responsible for every douchey thing that he does"? Or that John (sic) Hopkins has a Department of Scrotology or that there was a Theban King Seqenenra Tag, in ancient Egypt known as "gito of the southern city"?Brilliant. That's one small step for a douchebag, one giant leap for douchebag-kind.