Clap On! See Where San Francisco Stands in National STD Survey

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When in a city beginning with the letter "M," pack your own condoms -- or else

The results of the Centers for Disease Control's annual survey on whether we've been naughty or nice are in again -- and there's a whole lotta shaking (and itching, burning, and blistering) going on.

Educated folks can argue about whether healthy -- or, rather, unhealthy -- surges in chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis are due to increased risky behavior or increased vigilance in testing (Lou Dobbs, we're sure, will blame immigrants). But for San Francisco partisans, the real question is: How'd we do? Well, to quote Bill Clinton -- no joke about STDs intended -- "We can do better."

Chlamydia:

Between 2006 and 2007, the number of San Francisco-area residents infected with the disease rose from 372.4 to 399.8 per 100,000.To put this in perspective, the national average is 394 -- and the worst  spots, Memphis and Milwaukee, tallied 890 and 672, respectively. Apparently, living in a city that begins with the letter "M" increases one's chances for contracting chlamydia.

Gonorrhea:

From '06 to '07, our rate-per-100,000 for this disease actually dropped from 144.2 to 136.2. Hey, let's put that on our tourism literature -- but don't mention that the national average is only 129.4. The most gonorrhea-friendly locales in the nation: Memphis and Milwaukee -- again! (373 and 328.5 -- do they sell perforated condoms in cities that begin with "M"?).

Syphilis:

Once again, we've got a good-news, bad-news thing going here: Our rates have dropped (8.7 to 7.4) but still top the national average (5.7). Memphis and Milwaukee lose their bid for the Triple Crown -- the most syphilis-happy locale in the U.S. is Birmingham, Al. (17.2). Competing strongly were New Orleans (16.4), Memphis (Damn! 16.3), and Atlanta and San Diego (11.8). 

The lesson -- as always -- involves condoms and whatnot. And if ever in a city starting with an "M," bring your own. Theirs are no good, apparently.

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