CHP Urges Sobriety on Super Bowl Sunday (Smart) With Series of Strained Football Puns (Silly)

'I don't know, Ponch, you think all these football puns will convince people to avoid getting a DUI?'

Broaching a serious subject via humorous means is often a dicey proposition. Play it too light and no one notices the wit; play it too heavy and you've trivialized your subject. Truly, it requires a delicate and nuanced sense of humor. And, you know, in my dealings with members of the California Highway Patrol, I haven't yet noticed a delicate and nuanced sense of humor; the last officer I dealt with face to face succinctly informed me, "I pulled you over because you were driving too fast."

So it's no surprise that a press release fired off to members of the media by the CHP urging sobriety on the roads following the Super Bowl is titled with a vile pun: "DRINKING AND DRIVING, NOT SUPER" -- and it just goes downhill from there.

It seems the Boys in Tan never met a pun they didn't like. CHP commissioner Joe Farrow is quoted as stating, "We're asking fans to make the right call, so they won't find themselves benched in a jail cell."

Later, Farrow goes one better and notes that "A DUI is no 5-yard penalty. It's something that will follow you around for years to come." (So ... a 15-yard personal foul, then?).

And yet, any attempt to avoid unintentional humor with this release was lost immediately -- how can you not laugh at a missive to Californians to avoid alcohol written by a man named Jaime Coffee?

Look -- Drunk driving is not funny. Death is not funny. And the CHP -- really not funny. So be serious! Leave out the puns and go right to the heart of this release:

Last year, 12 people died in alcohol-related collisions on Super Bowl Sunday -- three times the state's daily average.

Last Super Bowl Sunday, we arrested 403 drivers for suspected DUIs.

If we arrest you, you will be placed in a cell with Erik Estrada and forced to watch him read Shakespearean monologues.