At Last -- We Discover Who's to Blame for S.F. Hold Music: DMX. No, Not That DMX

So I like easy listening music. So what?

After several days of calling around the city to determine who is responsible for the music tormenting callers waiting on hold for San Francisco city departments -- and spending a good deal of time feeling their pain -- SF Weekly has finally discovered who we can blame for sucking our souls out through our ears, one Muzak version of "Love Me Tender" at a time.

It's DMX. No, not the Baltimore-born rapper but DMX.com, a "full sensory branding service."

According to Ron Vinson, the Department of Technology's media director, city departments subscribe to DMX' hold music service, with most choosing to set the software to "easy listening." When SF Weekly pointed out the irony of labeling the most abysmal music mankind has yet created "easy listening," Vinson replied, "It's pretty easy to listen to for me. I don't have a problem with it."

Ron, you are not getting a Christmas card.

Then again, the other categories of "music" offered by DMX leave little to be desired either:

Earth Tones (currently playing on 311)
Gentle Selections
Groove Lounge
Metropolitan Blend
New Age
Riviera Discotheque
Smooth Jazz
World Beat

It was at this point Vinson said something that inspired hope for the future of humanity. Even before SF Weekly decided to complain, Vinson had initiated a discussion with the Arts Commission to see if local musicians can be drafted to cut some tunes for the city's new hold soundtrack.

My God, that's inspired thinking. Ron Vinson, you pull this off and you'll be getting a Christmas card after all.