Department of Shut the F*** Up Already: UC Berkeley Cunnilingus Lessons

SF Mayor Gavin Newsom, apparently unaware that moralists were plotting to ban gay marriage, stood in front of a video camera and gave them the perfect radio spot for promoting Proposition 8: "It is going to happen now, whether you like it or not," Newsom said.

Kristine DeGuzman, apparently unaware that state budget greenshades were looking for excuses to quit spending taxpayer fortunes on the spoiled, hedonistic brats attending University of California campuses, wrote a column for UC Berkeley's Daily Californian student newspaper teaching excruciatingly explicit lessons in cunnilingus.

Among DeGuzman's tips:

"Vaginas have a certain musky scent and a certain salty taste; it's just in their nature."

"You can also try inserting a finger or two into her vagina while you're licking and sucking away."

"Below the clitoris, there's the outer and inner labia-the lips you should be kissing in between all the licking and sucking goodness."

"Finally, if you really want to spice things up, you can try facesitting - a sex act that is performed exactly as it sounds: by sitting on your partner's face."

We imagine Ms. DeGuzman fancies that her ribald column just won her the Superbowl of cute.

So we're offering up another titillating headline, run atop a recent column by Lucero Chavez, president of the University of California Student Association:

An Example of Schwarzenegger's Economic Stimulation? Mid-year Budget Ax Aimed at University of California. --Matt Smith