City Attorney Joins "SF Weekly = Nostradamus" Bandwagon

Categories: Breaking News
By Matt Smith

Knowing a bandwagon when he sees one, City Attorney Dennis Herrera today indirectly proclaimed SF Weekly to be a newsprint-based All Being, All Knowing, Mistress of Sight and Sound.

In a Dec. 18 press release titled "Herrera, AGs Reach Pact with MillerCoors to Stop Producing Alcoholic Energy Drinks" the city's chief litigant made official the prescience of a 2000 SF Weekly satire column, which facetiously predicted the introduction of an "energy beer" that would be viewed as a public menace, and run into trouble with the law. In an investigative feature this July, The Snitch reported on a press release from California Attorney General Jerry Brown, which said this state had joined 10 others in forcing Anheuser Busch to stop selling caffeine-spiked beer, after university researches the beverage produced a dangerous "wide awake drunk" syndrome.
Herrera has chimed in with a multi-jurisdictional action of his own, forcing off the market MillerCoors' Sparks, Sparks Plus, and Sparks Light, which produced "'wide awake drunks' who are less aware that they are intoxicated and more likely to endanger themselves and others," Herrera said.

As we noted in July, Herrera, MillerCoors, Anheuser Bush, and all the brewers' dangerously-energetic-boozing customers, could have saved themselves nuisance by heeding a 2000 column by SF Weekly contributors Becky Bond and Jose Marquez. Writing under the moniker "South to the Future," they concocted a fictional news story about how a Marin County brewer had come up with an "energy beer." The piece satirically pointed out that marketers will do almost anything for a buck. And it underlined the fact that public officials will do almost anything to earn attention. Bond and Marquez' fictional article redicted that law enforcement would crack down on the energy beer, based on laws that prohibit alcoholic beverages from being labeled as performance enhancing.

Today, Herrera placed this fictional prediction firmly into the reality-based world, Making SF Weekly an official, and magical predictor of earthly occurences.
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