Last Night: District 9 Supe Candidates' Debate

Categories: Politics

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By Will Harper

Most likely you were watching that other debate if you were watching any debate last night. But about 75 people made it out to the Victoria Theatre Tuesday evening to see the District 9 supervisorial candidates gab and jab in their quest to succeed Tom Ammiano.

District 9 includes the Mission, Bernal Heights, and various former Soviet republics. Basically, this district is so left-wing it makes the rest of San Francisco look like Wasilla, Alaska.

Unlike most political “debates,” which are really forums where candidates take turns giving speeches, this truly featured a debate format where candidates asked each other questions. The event, moderated by GILF (Gadfly I’d Like to Fuck) MILF (Moderator I'd Like to Fuck), Sweet Melissa, lasted about 90 minutes. Of course, you don’t want spend that much time figuring out what happened, so here are the talking points (subtext and made-up quotes added where necessary):

ERIC QUEZADA
Distinguishing Feature: Soul patch

His Message: He has been in this district for 20 years getting’ it done unlike that snobby carpetbagger David Campos, whom he respects very much.

For Decriminalizing Prostitution? Yes

Miscellany: Lots of his supporters in the audience wearing yellow T-shirts, not wearing deodorant.

ERIC STOREY
Distinguishing Feature: He’s white

His Message: “Hi, I’m from the Midwest and the big, bad city frightens me. I don’t like how public housing creates all this crime near my $750,000 tear-down in Bernal and how day laborers poop on the street.”

Miscellany: Post-Glasnost capitalist running in the wrong district

DAVID CAMPOS
Distinguishing Feature: Sleepy intensity

His Message: A police commissioner endorsed by the Democratic Party, but not the Police Officers’ Association. He insists as a supervisor his door will be open to anyone of any political background...except for the Police Officers Association.

For Decriminalizing Prostitution? Yes

Quotable: “I’m proud of the fact that the Police Officers’ Association called for my resignation.” He added that the police union’s hatred of him proved he was the best candidate when it came to public safety issues.

EVA ROYALE
Distinguishing Feature: Never smiles...Oh, and she’s kuh-ray-zee.

Her Message: Accountability. “You will not get a voicemail from me, you will get a live person.” Not sure if that was a promise or a threat.

For Decriminalizing Prostitution? No

Miscellany: To this point she’s best known as the law-and-order candidate who claimed to witness a homicide and then wouldn’t return calls from police. At the debate, she seemed to have a Palin moment when Campos asked her whether she think the mayor should retain the director of his office criminal justice, Kevin Ryan, formerly a Bush-appointed U.S. attorney. Royale apparently didn’t know who Campos was talking about and launched into a rambling response in which she concluded “police need to know the communities and need to know the families.” (Memo to Eva: Police also need to be able to talk to witnesses to a crime.)

MARK SANCHEZ
Distinguishing feature: Bald with a tiny ponytail

His Message: As a school board member, he helped cure the district of Arlene Ackerman.

For Decriminalizing Prostitution? Yes

Miscellany: After bragging about healing the divisions on the school board, he then said he would vote to make tantrum-thrower Chris Daly the president of the board of supervisors.

TOM VALTIN
Distinguishing Feature: Blowhard

His Message: Blah blah blah green energy blah blah blah communities of color blah blah blah green-tech.

Miscellany: He works for the Sierra Club but doesn’t appear to have the local chapter’s endorsement in the race.

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