Here’s One More Horrible Thing to do on Halloween: Go Blind
Who's responsible for making our kids go blind every Octover 31st? Arrrgh, Long John Silver, I’m looking at you.
By Joe Eskenazi
Along with munching on candy perforated by pins, needles, and razor blades; poisoning oneself with toxic face paint; lighting up like an old Christmas tree or being rendered invisible due to ill-designed costumes; and being beaten and robbed of your swag by neighborhood punks – which, for the record, did happen to me – you can now add one more Halloween disaster for children and parents alike to worry about: blindness.
Prevent Blindness America has launched a campaign certain to spook any parent not suffering from convulsions due to the preceding list. At the very least, PBA – whose spokesperson seemed surprised to discover they share an acronym with a professional sports league -- wants you to know that pirates have done more evil of late than hijacking Jordanian ships.
Prevent Blindness claims that Long John Silver costumes – or, for that matter, outfits of the sort seen in the Oakland Coliseum stands on most Sundays are a major factor in blindness-inducing injuries.
April Nakayoshi, the program director of San Francisco’s Prevent Blindness Northern California says our city is more susceptible than most. First off, more people dress up here than elsewhere, and come up with elaborate costumes featuring studs, blades and contact lenses. Second, the large number of stairs, hills and, let’s face it, potholes in this city give trick-or-treaters more and more chances to trip and poke their eyes out.
Incidentally, those contact lenses that make your eyes resemble those of a snake, cat or Paul Newman: Not toys. Since 2005, they’ve been characterized as medical devices and are cannot be purchased without a doctor’s prescription. Also, for those unused to gluing on eyelashes (or doing so while drunk on pumpkin-related drinks), do note that getting glue in one’s eye is a magnificently efficient way to go blind.
Remember, there’s no point avoiding razor candy, drunken motorists or open flames on polyester this Halloween if you’re just going to go ahead and poke your eye out. There are, after all, more entertaining ways to go blind, right?
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