By Benjamin Wachs
The Chron reports that while Gavin Newsom is away honeymooning in Africa he’ll have his cell phone on in case there’s “a crisis.”
Yes, because Gavin’s been so good in a crisis. When the Cosco Busan spilled its oil into the bay, he expressed outrage. And when a tiger got loose in the zoo he called a public hearing eventually. When city homicides spiked, he went to Africa. This is the kind of bold leadership that should reassure us all that if, God forbid, we are all killed in our sleep, the Mayor will eventually hear about it.
To be honest, if there is some kind of emergency, I’d much rather have one of the Supes in charge – because at least then there will be communication with the Supes.
Still, I can come up with a short list of municipal crises that Gavin Newsom would be perfectly equipped to handle:
• San Francisco must know if it looks good in this tie!
• A tanker filled with gin has spilled in the harbor!
• There a sudden governor’s race and we just…don’t…know…who to…vote for!
• Diane Fienstein’s on a rampage! Who can possibly kiss her ass hard enough to stop her?!
• Quick! Somebody invite Willie Brown to something!
• If only we had another idea from another city that probably wouldn’t work in our particular case!
• Hmmmm...that charter amendment’s bad, but how can we possibly make it worse!
• Dammit! I need hair gel!
• Chris Daly must be stopped!
Okay, actually that last one is occasionally legitimate.
Enjoy your trip, Mr. Mayor – and be careful: long distance roving charges can be a bitch.
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