Scenes from a Light Brown Apple Moth Fashion Show
By Benjamin Wachs
Author’s note: I’ve been to so many Light Brown Apple Moth events that, to keep things fresh, I will not actually use the phrase “Light Brown Apple Moth” (or “LBAM”) anywhere in the piece below. Instead, a different variation of its name will be used every time.
A woman who looked like she’d stepped out of a college production of “The Blue Lagoon” was posing for a crowd that clapped appreciatively in-between good natured cat calls.
“Stop the spray!” someone in the back shouted. Then they went to look for more free organic wine.
Okay, so, tell me again why an “eco-fabulous fashion show” was held to raise money for the Apple Brown Light Moth on Friday? Where did that come from?
“I was talking to (a member of “Stop the Spray), and I went to check out their website, and I was up until 3 a.m. reading all their information,” said Annette Richmond, a fashion publicist. “And I thought: I have to do something! And I thought I’d do a march or a protest. But then I thought: I don’t know how to do these things. But I do know how to put on a fashion show. So I thought: I’ll do that.”
Okay. That makes sense.
“I wanted to do something that would appeal to my demographic,” Annette goes on. “Younger people. Who are into free wine and cheese.”
That's me! Carry on.
Of all the Moth Apple Brown Light events held in San Francisco, this was definitely the one most likely to get you laid. Muse Studios, where the event was held, is spacious and pleasant; the art was evocative; the crowd was young , hip, and dressed up. And, of course, there was free booze. Can Annette organize the rest of the Brown Moth Light Apple events from now on?
Even the live music, provided by Diamond Ortiz, was good fun – although the band changed the lyrics of “Sweet Home Chicago” to “San Francisco,” thus earning my undying enmity.
You’ve made an enemy with a very short attention span, Diamond Ortiz.
“You’ve gotta rep where you’re from, Bro,” a band member told me when I mentioned my objection to him after the set.
Oh shut up.
To get in to the fashion show, guests need to pay a $10 entrance fee at a table covered with Apple Moth Apple Light information and buttons saying “Stop the Spray!” Then it’s on to the wine and cheese. Over on one side of the room is a silent auction table that bored me before I even got to look at it, so I didn’t. On the other side is a photography exhibit of rolling countryside and green hills, cute fuzzy little animals and elegant birds. In the middle is a “runway” for the fashion models to walk through with borders made out of loose rocks and small glass candle holders. I … suppose … that’s more elegant than duct tape. Less practical, though: people trying to get to the silent auction keep accidentally kicking the rocks.
The "Runway"
Jocelyn Knight, a photographer for Terra Marin magazine (one of the evening’s sponsors), sees me looking at her photographs on the wall. I complement her on the work.
“I threw this (exhibit) together at the last minute,” she explains. “About two weeks ago they asked me ‘Do you have anything that shows the areas that will be affected by the spray?’ Well, yeah. Then they asked ‘Do you have anything that shows the critters affected?’ Yeah … probably.”
It works. “Hopefully,” she adds, “it will get people thinking ‘oh yeah – the butterflies will get sprayed too, and the birds, and the squirrels.”
Behind us there is a crunching sound, and then sweeping: someone stepped on one of the glass candle holders. The runway’s disintegrating fast.
Someone asks to borrow my pen: he’s getting digits.
Finally Annette gets up and gives a little speech about the important work that Stop the Spray is doing to … um … stop the spray, and informs us that the fashion show will be starting any minute. Then a group of volunteers start to piece the runway back together.
Annette fires up the crowd to stop the ... stop the ... stop the what now?
I wander around the crowd, eavesdropping on conversations. Nobody’s talking about the spray: nobody’s talking about the Apple Apple Moth Moth. Eventually, two models walk up out of the basement looking like Adam and Eve would if they hoped to be cast as extras in a soap commercial, and we suddenly realize the fashion show has begun.
Weren't they just voted off the island?
Here’s what I learned about “eco-fabulous fashion”: it either looks like something you must wear to win the immunity idol, or it’s exactly like normal clothes. There’s apparently no in between. Designers can use organic fabrics in exactly the same way they use synthetics. Mind blowing stuff.
Yeah like you've never worn this
When the show is over and every model has lined up to take a bow (that male model's brooding! Brood, male model! Brood!) I ask a few people in the crowd if they’ve had their consciousness raised.
Anita says definitely. “It’s definitely all about greening everything. They have the organic fabrics, the organic food, the paintings of nature …” she considers her answer, and then decides she’s covered all the bases.
Christian, standing next to her, agrees. “I actually read some things about what’s happening with the spray,” he said. But he can’t tell me what. When I ask him about the Light Moth Apple Light, he’s not sure he’s heard of it. So then he joins Annette in the general theme of “green.”
“If you imagine if everybody was wearing organic clothing and eating organic food … it would just be so healthy,” he says.
Right on.
I asked a few of the models (who, like everyone else, worked pro bono) why they got involved: none of them mentioned aerial spraying of the Moth Moth Moth Moth. Near as I could tell, they thought they were doing a benefit for organic clothes.
“Yeah, yeah, I’d say yeah, I’m already familiar with green and organic clothes and stuff,” Ryder told me.
In the end, Annette estimated the event had raised at least $600 for Stop the Spray. “Stop the Spray!” she shouted to the crowd as everyone began to head out to other parties. No one shouted it back. In the end, this was a great Light Light Light Apple event in so many ways … but it was also the only one where I didn’t leave thinking about the Brown Moth Apple Light.
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