Is Obama one of God’s Angels? Mark Morford Says Yes, But the Obama Campaign Won’t Confirm that
By Benjamin Wachs
Today, after consulting “many spiritually advanced people,” SFgate columnist Mark Morford revealed to us the truth about Obama: He is a “lightworker.”
Many spiritually advanced people I know (not coweringly religious, mind you, but deeply spiritual) identify Obama as a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment. These kinds of people actually help us evolve. They are philosophers and peacemakers of a very high order, and they speak not just to reason or emotion, but to the soul.
There's a vast amount of positive energy swirling about that's been held back by the armies of BushCo darkness, and this energy has now found a conduit, a lightning rod, is now effortlessly self-organizing around Obama's candidacy.
This is another way, Morford says, that Obama is like Kennedy:
Those attuned to energies beyond the literal meanings of things, these people say JFK wasn't assassinated for any typical reason you can name. It's because he was just this kind of high-vibration being, a peacemaker, at odds with the war machine, the CIA, the dark side. And it killed him.
Uh-huh.
Strangely, Morford's column didn't include anyone from the Obama campaign, so I called the Obama national campaign headquarters in Chicago to see if they could confirm that Obama is a “lightworker.”
“You mean … he doesn’t have a very hard work schedule?” they asked me.
No, I said: That he’s an enlightened being (you’d think they’d know that). I offered to read them the relevant sections of Morford’s column, and they agreed.
“Ummmmmmmm …” they said afterwards.
Then they promised … just promised … to have somebody get back to me on that.
I’ll let you know if they do. Meanwhile, a few questions spring to mind:
1) Does Obama not mention the fact that he’s a “lightworker” in his campaign literature because he’s being modest? Or is this news to him, too?
2) Are “lightworkers” unionized? If not, are they progressive enough for us?
3) Do “spiritually advanced people” have spiritually advanced degrees? Trophies? Certificates of participation? If not, how do you tell them apart from people who just believe in shit?
4) When Morford says this “positive energy” is “effortlessly self-organizing” around Obama’s candidacy, has he talked with any people who actually walked around knocking on doors? Because they worked pretty hard. Also, they were organized by the campaign.
5) What the heck is “positive energy” anyway? I know it’s a term that gets thrown around here a lot, but… what is it? Is it a short hand for “stuff that makes people feel good” (like puppies)? Or will the next big breakthrough in physics at the hadron collider be to discover “positive energy” particles? Which you can tell apart from other particles because they’re more … um … positive?
Morford anticipated these objections, of course, warning that:
If you are a rigid pragmatist/literalist, itchingly evangelical, a scowler, a doubter, a burned-out former '60s radical with no hope left, or are otherwise unable or unwilling to parse alternative New Age speak, click away right now, because you ain't gonna like this one little bit.
Yeah that must be it. I have trouble with the concept that Obama is a “lightworker” because I’m a scowling, hopeless evangelical.
Apparently so is the Obama campaign.
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