Blogs

Benjamin Wachs - What are your qualifications for reporting on LBAM meetings and information?

Benjamin: I'm disappointed that you failed to mention here that the Director of the Oakland Zoo, Dr. Joel Parrott, DVM came out to publicly oppose the spray and the entire eradication program by testifying with the anti-spray presenters at this meeting. The meeting was hardly "pointless" as it served as a venue to educate more people on this issue as well as to make a statement that an organization like the Oakland Zoo is willing to publicly denounce and oppose the CDFA plan.

Oh my God, what a FANTASTIC straight line. I hope I’m up to the challenge. Let’s see:

1) I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night

2) I eat lots of fish

3) My high school finally got accredited – so STUFF IT Jefferson County School District!

4) According to reliable sources I may already be a winner

5) I don’t have fancy book learnin’, but I’ve got street smarts!

6) I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die

7) I am the Lorax: I speak for the moths

8) My graduate degree is printed on nice white card stock

9) Jesus loves me

10) 400 friends on MySpace can’t be wrong

Wow – this is fun. Anything you want to come up with, Joe? In fact, Everybody Into the Pool!

Ben - wine just shot out of my nose whilst laughing at this! I am loving your LBAM coverage. Keep it up!

Regarding Benjamin’s qualifications:

10. He graduated from LBAMU, you know.

9. He can talk the moths down from the trees — and then eradicate them.

8. He’s an expert on the birds and the bees, and SF Weekly considered this a transferable skill.

7. You remember “The Mothman Prophesies?" Well, Benjamin is the Mothman.

6. All of the writers had to enter an essay contest: “Why I should cover the LBAM hearings.” Benjamin came third.

5. We tried to get Raymond A. Mendez, the moth wrangler from “Silence of the Lambs” (no joke), but his asking price was too damn high.

4. He was the only one who promised not to make any “What’s bugging San Francisco?” puns.

3. Benjamin’s father covered LBAM hearings; he’s a legacy kid.

2. He’s as American as Light Brown Apple Moth Pie!

1. Two words: Mob ties.

Oh, I want to play! How about:

- You're strong enough for a man but made for a woman.

- You talk to Chuck.

- You could work from home and make money online in 8 easy steps.

It's all true. All of it.

Anyone else - please feel free. The lines are open.

I'll probably back you up.

I know for a fact that Mr. Wachs knows his way around this subject since he dated my sister, a Light Brown Apple Moth, for three years.

Uh, except what they are planning to spray is NOT A PESTICIDE! It's a pheromone which disrupts the ability for a pair of moths of opposite sex to find each other.

Pesticides kill live moths (as well as most any other insect), this just prevents specific types of moths from breeding.

At the risk of sounding qualified, two responses to Smushmoth's excellent point:

First, the “active” ingredient in the spray will be a pheromone. It’s the so-called “inert” ingredients (the ones used to deliver the pheromone) that are accused of killing the various animals and causing human illness. The whole point is that the total combination of the chemical cocktail appears to look like a pesticide, walk like a pesticide, and quack like a pesticide. Which is why, as noted above, the Director of the Oakland Zoo has a problem with his animals being exposed.

Regardless, pesticide use is part of the total plan of eradication against the Light Brown Apple Moth – they’ll be placed in small doses on targeted areas 8 feet above the ground level. The state says this is safe because only moths will be attracted to them (they’ll be dosed with the pheromone, too). Animal activists say it’s likely other animals will sniff it, walk across it, try to groom it off their fur, etc … thus spreading it into the environment.

Hope this clarifies.

1) Benjamin has lived by the sword, but 9 of 10 studies have shown that he will not die by the sword. It will probably be something silly. A wombat will be involved.

2) Benjamin is legendary in the freestyle rap scene for being able to defeat opponents using only vowels.

3) Benjamin writes his articles using only anagrams gleaned from the text of Proust's landmark work, "In Search Of Lost Time". This makes him sad, but a bet's a bet.

4) Benjamin has never read Proust.

5) Benjamin once wrote for Playboy, but will only tell you about it if it comes up naturally in conversation. Tests are being done at this very moment to learn how this phenomenon can be duplicated.

6) Benjamin is the freshmaker.

7) Benjamin inspires lists.

8) Benjamin is actually an infinite series of Meta-Benjamins, whose every experience is catalogued and tagged by the next highest Benjamin. Once someone asked, "what's beyond all the Meta-Benjamins?" The answer: "It's Benjamins all the way down."

9) He's Benjamin, you're not.

10) Rilke.

Benjamin,
In what field, if any, are you writing from (science, journalism)? Most people understand that pesticides are designed for crops and not urban areas. Our government has been known to spray first then ask questions later, which has culminated in unintended consequences. The European Union is making great strides in taking the precautionary approach with scientific studies so they know the outcomes.

Two years ago, Senator Barbara Boxer held a meeting with the media and announced that the chemical industry and the EPA were in the works of a pesticide study with babies. The study was called, CHEERS. Here's the youtube link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFAi3gV2DwA

The CHEERS Study was stopped by Senator Boxer and a Senator from Florida. Think again before you make light of the people who got sick in Monterey and Santa Cruz Counties. There are young children who now have permanent scar tissue in their lungs that has now caused them asthma, which my father died from at the age of 42 years old. Asthma is not something I would wish on anyone.

Then he went back to explaining how, in the absence of any actual crop damage from LBAM we have to rely on predictions of crop damage … made by experts … and how, despite significant anecdotal evidence of human and animal injuries from the LBAM spraying, we need to rely on expert opinion that the spraying probably wasn’t the cause. (“People just get sick sometimes,” he actually said. Along with: a bunch of birds all die at once sometimes, it happens. And rabbits. A whole lot of rabbits just die at once for no discernable cause sometimes. It happens. And cats. And fish. And it’s sheer coincidence that it’s all tended to follow the spraying – although we’re sure it’s not the spraying).

So I'm thinking to myself .... This is a downside? Sounds more like a benefit to be rid of all these pests in addition the little brown moth. I mean, really, who wants to have all these nasty animals around, pooping on crap and whatnot. Sounds like spraying for LBMs is killing two birds (and rabbits, cats, and fish) with one stone. OR somesuch.

And then it occurred to me: Ben can't be one of us. And by "one of us", I mean human. A human would clearly see the benefit of killing birds, rabbits, fish, and cats. Instead, Ben must be a bird-rabbit-cat-fish. Only such a creature would not see the obvious benefits of LBM spraying.

Which, I suppose, makes him uniquely qualified to offer advice on this subject. And, of course, be killed by LBM sraying.

First, DMG, Benjamin writes from a field in which there are many flowers and shrubbery. It is said he writes from strawberry fields, forever, thought I do not believe those contain light brown apple moths.

Secondly:
1) Benjamin is solely responsible for the East Coast/West Coast gangsta rap war of the early 1990s.

2) He is both a noun and an adverb.

3) He started a career in pro wrestling only to discover his aura was too bright for conventional cameras. As such, you may only have seen him in a live event. Or Hi-Def.

4) He is credited with creating the colors "mauve" and "taupe," and also developed their nomenclature, clearly marked by his propensity for the letter U.

5) What was is was, and what is is Benjamin.

6) In a blind taste test, four out of five dentists recommend Benjamin.

7) He is the fifth dentist.

8) He is a question wrapped in an enigma folded into origami.

9) Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorcese have optioned his life story.

10) His Grammy award lives beside his award for "Most gumballs consumed in a four-month period" from the 2003 Livingston County Fair.

A final aside:
Is the director of the zoo really named Parrott?