Blue in the Bay: Pre-Season Warmup

Categories: Sports

GiantsSuck.jpg
Every week this baseball season, the SF Weekly news blog 'The Snitch' features 'Blue in the Bay,' a series featuring thoughts on the Giants/Dodgers rivalry, from the perspective of SF Weekly contributor and Dodgers fan, Oscar Pascual. For your hating pleasure, let's begin with the season preview. -- Oscar Pascual

I hope that image got your attention, because I've got something to say to all Giants fans. You know that little Dodgers/Giants rivalry that's been burning up your hateful soul all your life? Well, it doesn't exist. That's right, I said that petty grudge you've devoted your entire existence towards isn't worth all your Halloween Orange apparel combined.

I know what you're thinking -- "Stupid Dodgers fan, what sort of nonsense is this?" I used to hate the Giants, but then I heard baseball guru Peter Gammons say that your San Francisco Giants are only concerned with beating the Dodgers, whereas the Dodgers are only concerned with winning championships. And that's what the Blue Crew intend to accomplish this year.

The Dodgers have reloaded with a proven World Series manager in Joe Torre and a power bat in Andruw Jones. Their youth movement is one of the best in the league, the batting lineup has no holes, the starting rotation is solid, and you can't get any quicker than Rafael Furcal and Juan Pierre at the top of the lineup. Simply put, the Dodgers are going to be fucking fierce.

So that's why the rivalry is null and void. With the Dodgers' goals set so high this year, it would be ridiculous to set our standards so low by only concerning ourselves with the Giants. It would be like settling for Spam when you know damn well you can have a prime rib dinner.

So if this rivalry doesn't even exist, you may be wondering why I'll be writing this feature at all. Why? To prove that the Giants suck. No, not in my opinion. The Giants are literally a horrible team. Let me elaborate.

The Giants are full of veterans past their salad days and on their way out. There's not even a single solid, proven bat in the order, and stealing bases will be harder than resisting an order of delicious Gilroy garlic fries.

Hey, you guys screwed yourselves. For the past few years, the Giants have been more Hollywood than the Dodgers. The Giants opted to hold onto Barry Bonds and his summer blockbuster home runs, instead of letting go of his bloated contract and rebuilding towards an award-winning ensemble cast -- the kind of cast that the Dodgers have put together. Now that Balco Barry is out, all you've got to show for it is a decent, but not nearly as intimidating bat in Aaron Rowand.

This year's motto for the Giants is "All Out, All Season," and I can't argue here. The Giants are all out -- all out of a power bat, all out of veterans in their prime, and all out of a good chance getting into the playoffs.

If I haven't gotten you to slit your wrists and bleed that disgusting orange hue all over the place, then I hope you come back next week for more vitriol. As for me, I'll be in beautiful Chavez Ravine for the season-opening series between the "rivals." Expect to hear from me afterwards.

Until then, Think Blue.


My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

©2014 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.
Loading...