Hell, No! Stanford Won't Low-Flow

Categories: Environment

Providing Stanford students with low flow shower heads has resulted in a flurry of whining and awesome quotes. "Are we hunger striking? Of course not. But it's annoying," junior Christian Tom told the Mercury News yesterday. An audible sigh of relief issued forth from Ghandi's grave. Writer Lisa M. Kreiger lends a conspiratorial ring to the whole affair by writing the university "secretly" installed the low-flow, eco-shower heads in their dorm over winter break in order to save money and water. The move sparked an email petition, a letter writing campaign, a newspaper editorial meeting (the horrors!) and meetings with Stanford officials. One student described as "stressed-out" said "This translates into more time spent in the shower. Does everyone really have all those extra minutes?" The answer is, yes, probably. But the blue ribbon prize-winning quote of the article is from an anonymous conservative who attributes the installation of the showerheads to "some vegan freak who should move to Russia rather than pollute American soil with his communist ideas." And people say conservatives aren't concerned with pollution! Bowing to pressure, Stanford will install one hand-held shower head in each bathroom. The hand-held will not only "dispense lots of water- but it can be raised to accommodate tall students." It can also be lowered to accommodate "small students" if you catch my drift. In case you don't, it rhymes with "zasturbation" and doesn't shorten the length of anybody's shower.-Andy Wright

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