More Proof Caffeine = The Devil

Categories: Media

Long after the religious right bans legal abortion, we'll still have Philz Coffee to turn to.

The Chron published an Oakland HMO today study correlating caffeine in early pregnancy to miscarriage - probably because, I don't know CAFFEINE is a PESTICIDE.

Yeah, kiddies. Plants developed caffeine and other alkaloid-based chemicals to deter insects -- who can't handle the buzz and get disoriented or die when they eat it. Caffeine is the world's #1 psychoactive substance of choice, and it's burly.

So, if you're in high school and you got that HPV vaccine but you forgot that condom and you're late - now you know what to ask for: "Double espresso, side order of chocolate covered espresso beans. ... And a lot of napkins." - David Downs

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