Golden Gate Parking Meters Now Texting Parkers, 'Feed Me, Bitch'

Categories: Public Transit

Running the 'rents around with some Golden Gate Bridge viewing? You should already know you'll need a pocketful of quarters (and only quarters) for parking in the closest lot.

But that may change if new, hyper-intelligent killing machine parking meters catch on during their local, six-month trial run.

San Francisco is the first U.S. city to test something tech-savvy South Koreans have probably had since the war. Among other features, the PhotoViolationMeter (brutal name) allows for payment by cash, credit or debit card, or yes, a coffee mug full of change.

Its “No-Fine” feature lets card users avoid a citation by automatically paying for the time spent there, and it can also text you when it’s hungry for more money. If you do go over, you can pay for up to 30 late minutes without getting a ticket. Why exactly it has built-in Wi-Fi, we do not know.

Also, you can’t easily outsmart it. PhotoViolationMeter (name sounds like a device that measures the brutality of Abu Ghraib photos) knows when you leave your spot early and takes a picture of the guy who pulls in next and tries to mooch off your last five minutes. What a tattle tale-ing dick!

“We made them very user-friendly for people to use,” explained Fred Mitschele, president of Photo Violation Technologies who likes to use the word "use" a lot. “We even added multiple languages for so many tourists.”

Mitschele did not elaborate on the devices' ability to talk jive.

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