Victory Over Depressing Hippies Is Imminent

Global warming and its proponents are such downers, with all their, 'the world is ending, save a fucking polar bear' talk.

Al Gore? Yeah, he'd be fun at the Folsom Street Fair.

Victory over depressing hippies is imminent, however, and the tipping point has come from Greenpeace's user-hijacked name-a-whale competition.

Al Gore and the Bong Water Brigade want something like "Anahi" (which means immortal in Persian), or "Kaimana" (divine power of the ocean in Polynesian), or "Shanti" (peace). Boooring!

It warms our coal-fired hearts to learn the name "Mr. Splashy Pants" is kicking, trite-hippy-name-ass all over Greenpeace's poll.

Vote Mr. Splashy Pants, or the SF Weekly will kill three more polar bear cubs, and not eat them like we usually do. We'll just spread the offal around play with it and throw it our slaves from Kansas. —David Downs