RaidersSuckNinersSuck -- Week 16 -- JaMillions Mauled, Niners Show Backbone

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By the Wook

Oakland loses 49-11 at the Jacksonville Jaguars
The Raiders got the stepchild treatment in the worst way today. I believe the team moniker should be changed to the Oakland Raided after the predatory thrashing they received at the hands of the Jacksonville Jaguars.

JaMillions got ample playing time this week but was bent over like Marcellus Wallace by the Jags defense. Russell managed only a meager 83 yards, three picks, and a “who gives a fuck” touchdown pass with six seconds left in a blowout.

Atrocious on all fronts again, the Raided's game appeared to be heading into naptime when a moment so sublimely Raideresque happened to save the game.

On a third down near midfield, as the first half was nearing its end, the Jags received a holding penalty. Instead of declining the penalty and forcing fourth down, Oakland took the penalty to force them back more yardage. On the ensuing play, Warren Sapp received an unsportsmanlike conduct giving the Jags a first down. This irked some other Raiders rather severely and resulted in FOUR consecutive unsportsmanlike conduct penalties totaling 60 yards, the final being Warren Sapp’s second, forcing his ejection.

Only the Raided can turn a fourth down at midfield to a first and goal from the two through penalties. What made this moment even more hilarious is that Jags QB David Garrard threw a pick to end the half on the next play.

Raiders Suckages:

1. JaMillions looked more undrafted free agent than $50 million dollar number one pick.
2. Coaching – A seemingly unending stream of 15-yard penalties can only be blamed on a coach (Lane “Babyface” Kiffin) and a complete lack of control over the players.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers lose to the 49ers 21 – 19

Holy crap! We won again! Holy crap!! That dopey-looking Shaun Hill threw three TDs despite a broken finger on his throwing hand and several bone jarring hits!! Holy crraaaaaapppp!!!!! What has happened to this 49ers team in the last two weeks? Shaun Hill goes from never throwing a pass in five years to throwing for 500 yards, five TDs, and only one pick in the last two and a half games while going 2 – 0 as a starter. I say it's time to kick Alex Smith in his whiny teeth and tell him to wipe his ass with his contract.

The caveat to this game is that the Bucs sat starting QB Jeff Garcia and a handful of other starters for the second half. Hill was not as pretty in this week’s win, he was 11 for 24 and threw his first pick, but he was clutch and showed lots of guts. The defense gave up yards but buckled down in the red zone and didn’t give up touchdowns.

49ers Suckages:

1. Pass Defense – The two Buc QBs: combined for 367 yards; had enough time in the pocket to make tea; and had receivers open enough to throw them a beach ball.

Overall Supersuckers:
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The Oakland Raided. 49 – 11 ‘nuff said.


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