How to Park Wherever the Hell You Please (Without Being Handicapped) — By Laser-Guided Awesome, The SF Weekly Utility Blog

I put my life savings into quarters and keep it inside my car for metered parking because each coin can give me only a few measly minutes. A retarded boy playing Ms. Pac Man can last longer on his quarter than the meters downtown. I know there are garages and lots but they’re not worth it for a 1-2 hour park. This city alone cites 1.9 million tickets each year, and I’ve definitely had my share. But, I’d like to show you some simple ways to park your car for free. Of course, we do not take any responsibility for what may happen, however, I stand by my 3 cheating ways even if it doesn’t work for you.—James Y Lee

Out of Order
Yes, you know about jamming that penny or cardboard into the meter. I don’t think you need to fuck up meters to park for free. Instead, recycle! Simply cover the meter up with a plastic bag since this is what they do when they’re broken and most of the time the grown man nicknamed the Meter Maid will have a blind eye to it.

Make it Look Legit
You can always reserve a spot. It might be time to invest in some orange cones. You can find cheap ones at Home Depot. Put up some cones around an empty spot and nobody will dare touch them. Also, you can always just get yourself a sign. Many of those construction zone tow-away signs are fake, since contractors just purchase ‘em and post it without a legal right to do so. So why the Hell can’t we? Find yourself a sign distributor, such as signwire.com, and put up your own Construction Only Tow Away sign.

Leave a Note
If you’re scared your car’s going to get towed, you can always turn your wheels completely perpendicular to the curb. A lot of tow trucks won’t be able to carry away your car when you have them positioned like that and it’ll buy you 30 minutes while they call another truck.

However, if you’re planning to be a bit longer, this is what I do: I pick a ridiculous place to park, the crazier the better, like Union Square at 4pm. Do not double park as this will attract more attention since it slows down buses. It has to be in a space that nobody would have the balls to park. Put up a note on your windshield that says that you have a flat and you’re waiting on a tow truck and to give you a call if they have any problems. See, they won’t tow your car if you’re already waiting for it to get towed.