Global Orgasm To Align Earth's Consciousness on 12.22 — WTF?!

Categories: Environment

This is pretty much the kookiest idea we'll endorse this week, but we're going to endorse it anyway, on account of the sexy-time. A group of Princeton-affiliated NorCal hippies who believe in the idea of a global consciousness want everyone to jack off the Earth's alleged psyche at precisely the same moment — Solstice Day - December 22, at 06:08 Universal Time (GMT) (10:08 p.m. San Francisco time). Why 10:08 p.m. for the Global O? Duh, that's when the sun's direct rays will be the furthest south, lapping at the pubis if South America. Anyway, if we all cum simultaneously, it's supposed to help World Peace or some shit. We're not betting on it, but we do like any excuse to use our favorite pickup line — "Fuck me now, or I swear to God my penis will invade Iran." —David Downs
(Squirter art courtesy of, the Earth's true Global O)

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