RaidersSUCKNinersSUCK: Week 9

By The Wook

49ers at the Atlanta Falcons

If you thought hope had died for the 49ers, you were right. I found her with a split skull, ostensibly from a two-by-four. Despite the close 20-16 loss, today’s pathetic exhibition between two completely awful teams proved inebriation is not enough to make bad football fun. You could say that the Falcons won the game, but I think it is more appropriate to say they didn’t lose.

No one should have been proud of their role. Alex Smith threw three interceptions, including two within the final minutes to seal the loss. The defense was defeated by a one-dimensional Atlanta Falcons offense whose only success came when handing the ball to ...

Warrick Dunn.

49ers Suckages
1. I am going to break tradition and name not the entire offense, but only Alex Smith, who looks more and more like a deer caught in headlights ... well, maybe a preppy frat boy caught between roided-out man beasts.

Houston Texans at the Raiders
I would like to talk about how much the Raiders sucked today, but I didn’t see the game as it was not on TV. Thus I can only infer their level of suckitude by examining two key pieces of evidence:

1. They suck so bad, their own vaunted “Raider Nation” doesn’t want to show up for the game. No sellout, no TV broadcast.

2. The Internet says they lost 24-17 and some guy named Sage Rosenfels was the quarterback of the Texans.

From this very damning evidence I have come to the conclusion that Raiders did indeed suck fat, lumpy balls today.

Raiders Suckages:
1. The Fans: I don’t want to hear any more about the “through thick and thin” diehard Raider Nation. Sell out your stadium and then come talk to me.

2.Run Defense: The Raiders’ defensive front continues to allow big yards every week.

Overall Supersuckers:

Raiders – Another close week, but the Raiders win this week's trophy of suck because even their own fans don’t want to watch them play.