Don't Believe The Hype: Cyber Monday

As if one day of manufactured retail holiday shopping buzz wasn't enough (that being last "Black Friday"), the National Retail Federation has claimed today as "Cyber Monday," which, despite the hype, is -- according to ABC News -- "by no means the busiest day for online sales, just as Black Friday is not the biggest day of sales for most stores."

The busiest shopping day of the year is actually the Saturday before Christmas, confirming once and for all that laziness and procrastination are really quite normal conditions. I, for one, feel better. Accordingly, why not give a gift that shows just how lazy and unimaginative you can be?

Boing Boing has the right idea with Microsoft Office Online Gift Guide, where you can give the gift of software applications that nobody in their right mind would want, including: "Buy one get one free: Three dozen Outlook add-ins," and "Gladstone's Report Wizard for Microsoft Access, $42.50." These are perfect passive-aggressive stocking stuffers for the boss looking to breed contempt among employees. Aren't the holidays so awesome?

-- Brian Bernbaum