RaidersSuckNinersSuck: Week 6 -- LaDainian Tomlinson Thighmasters Oakland
By the Wook
Every Monday this football season the SF Weekly news blog 'The Snitch' features "RaidersSuckNinersSuck", because let's face it, they do. Let us continue with a charged Week 6.
Raiders at the Chargers
With so much sucking in one game it’s hard to know where to start, so how about the obvious choice, the beginning. This was one of those extra-special, vomit-inducing suckfests that the Raider Nation has become so familiar with these past years. They let the Chargers traipse down the field on the opening drive for a LaDainian "thighs-half-my-body-weight” Tomlinson touchdown. Then, Daunte Culpepper made another great argument for untested rookie JaMillions Russell by throwing an interception on the Raiders' first possession to promptly give the Chargers the ball back. Thighs Tomlinson ran for another quick TD to make the game 14–0 barely five minutes into the game. The rest of the first half was filled with more ...
idiotic miscues by the Raiders, my favorites being two offensive line penalties in a row to put the Raiders in a 3rd and 32 situation and a Culpepper fumble when no one was within three yards of him (How does a 6’5”, 250 lb. man with hands the size of a gorillas drop a ball when no one touches him?!). The only upside of the first half was the defense's salvage of a horrible start to hold the Chargers scoreless for the rest of the half. They even one upped their own offense and returned a Phillip Rivers pick 50 some odd yards for a TD to make the game a reasonable 14-7 at the half despite the deep and disturbing ineptitude that is the Raiders offense.
The purgatory that was the Raiders in the first half quickly turned into that wonderful level of hell where you are buried face down in burning excrement (Sidenote: Dante was one twisted guinea). The Chargers came out of the locker room blazing at the half. The D turned up the intensity sacking Culpepper four times over the half, and forcing another pick and two fumbles out of the Raiders QB. LT, solid in the first half, reminded us of why he is the best player in football as he made the Raiders look like a middle school coed flag football team ending the game with an Al Bundy-like 4 touchdowns in one game. In fact, it took the Raiders everything but 90 seconds of the game to eclipse the 213 yards that LT had gained by himself. All in all the, game was that special vintage of suck that curdles blood and bowel alike.
Raiders Suckages
1.Daunte Culpepper - Two picks, three fumbles. Jamarcus Russel’s seat is warm enough.
2.Offensive Line – Numerous penalties, several sacks and never enough time for Culpepper, I think I heard the sound of testicles retracting some time after the opening kick off, hopefully they can find a way to make them drop before the next game.
Niners vs. Bye
You’re lucky this week Niners, but don’t think I don’t have my eyes on you. Getting worse every week is not the way to convince anyone you’re a young team on the rise.
Overall Supersuckers: The Raiders!!
Seriously guys, you were beat by one person. Yeah, sure he’s the best player in football, he was still going against your entire team, and not only did he win, he kicked your sorry asses up and down the field.
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