Bonds' Steroids Satire Prompts Laughs, Snarls: New Stories Published

What's new on SF Weekly.com and in 60,000 printed copies today:

- Savage Love Says If Your Wife's Not Fucking you, Cheat on Her, but Get Her Something Nice

- Visitacion Valley Violence Sends Brothers To Rehab, Friend to Grave

- Wii's Pool Party A Stick in the Mud

- Justice At Mezzanine Will be Dance Party of 2007

- MF Doom: The latest artist to disappoint Bay Area fans

-Bouncer Reports Chronicle Dive Bar the Tempest Not Filthy Enough

- Wes Andersen's 'Darjeeling' Reframes Owen Wilson's Suicide attempt

-Jack Johnson's Label Hosts Rogue Wave's Asleep at Heaven's Gate

-Barry Bonds' Steroids Satire Prompts Acclaim, Criticism (p.s. The Guardian is run by humorless hacks.)

-Russian Sergey Brin and Google: A KGB Propaganda and ...

Spying Machine?

-KTVU's Leslie Griffith Bites Hand That Funded Her Facelifts In Shut Up and Read

-Custom Burger Reshapes Valencia St.

-Intersex local Hida Valoria Tells Oprah How Hermaphrodite Activists Pander to Homophobes

-Litquake Promises 300 authors, Literary Death Match; Save the Last Dance for Joffrey Ballet in Berkeley; Holly Golightly Explains You Can't Buy a Gun ... at Bottom of the Hill; 24th annual Sandcastle Classic Faces Ruinous Children

-The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

-Ang Lee's 'Lust, Caution' Needs Third Ingredient

- Marsh Theater's Countercoup Goes to Rehab

-Josh Keyes' Surface Tension Confronts Pollution at Hang Art

- Political artist Julia Page Waits for Godot to Bring Peace To Middle East

-Willie Brown Declares London Breed A Contender for Mark Leno' Seat

-Apres Garde Covers Attaboy's Cartoonish Flank at Gallery 1988

-Caligula: Imperial Edition Maintains Fisting, Dry Humping

- Q-Tip and Trentemoller

-Mill Valley Film Festival; the art of Rocky McCorkle;

- Orchestra of Piazza Vittorio Depicts Multi-Culti Salvation of Arts

-City Lights Hosts Akashic Books ; Jacques Boyreaus Supertrash Peepshow Offers the
Low Life; Lady Genius

-Amanda Moody Channels Joan of Arc; Tease-O-Rama at Bimbos Self Explanatory; San
Francisco Zine Fest Hosts Disturbed Local Death-Story Collector John Marr; The Found Footage Festival

- Sunday: The Pacific Pinball Exposition emphasizes vintage games; Homing PidginFinds Funny Bone; Shawn Creeden's 'Hollow Face, Hand Wing' Goes Batty;

- Monday: Joseph Cornell Navigates the Imagination

- Check out: Finntroll; Download Festival; Bill Callahan; Black Crowes; the Go-Gos

- And: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Pools Together Roots Music Enthusiasts

- Big Co. At Boxcar Serves Anti-Corporate Staple of SF Theater with Free Delivery

- Barometer Fluctuates at Mercury Appetizer Bar on Van Ness and Lombard