RaidersSuckNinersSuck: Week1

Categories: Sports

Every Tuesday this football season the SF Weekly news blog is running a segment we call, "RaidersSuckNinersSuck", because let's face it, they do. Each week we will also award one of our crap NFL teams the award of "Most Suckiest." At the end of the year the team with the most Sucky Trophies will get nothing, because they sucked so hard. Let us begin. -d2

Case #1 Raiders vs Lions. If you were so lucky as to see the complete garbage that was the Raiders game you would have seen them transmogrify from something resembling a football team into a steaming pile of turds in the last quarter. The Raiders blew a late lead to fall to the Lions with Jon Kitna at the helm. What could be more embarrassing than losing to a group of overrated uber goofs like the Lions? The Lions’ receivers were more than a match for the Raiders secondary. It was genuinely amusing to watch them just run by the Raiders “improved” defense. You then throw in a couple of easy mistakes and there goes the W.

List of Raider Suckages

1. Defense: Hey you see that guy in the end zone. COVER HIM!
2. Special Teams: Sebastian “Long Leg” Janikowski where is your big leg now? Two misses: 1 from 50 blocked and 1 from 57 missed by a mile, not making the grade by a long shot.
3. QB Sign Jamarcus Russell for god’s sake.


Case #2 Niners Versus Arizona.Let me start this off by saying that Arizona has consistently been one of the worst teams in football. They haven’t made it to the playoffs in years and years. Bill Walsh had a full head of hair and no health problems when Arizona made it to the playoffs. That being said the Niners barely eeked out a win over AZ. We smashed into their D line and got rejected over and over.

List of Niner Suckages

1. Offensive Line. With a top 5 runner like Frank Gore we should be killing it in the running game. 0 props for Offensive line
2. Offensive Line. Every time Arizona blitzed the line completely crumbled and Alex Smith is like a rabbit in the headlights (nice run, buddy).
3. Dropped Balls. There were some seriously easy ones.


And the trophy for Most Sucky goes to … Raiders. 0 defense = lots of losses. Defense wins championships people. Get ready for a complete season of suckage. -- By RaidersSuckNinersSuck Staff

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