Less than Zito -- a Giants disaster in motion
"If I lose tomorrow it will be THIS many!"
A good friend of mine -- an investigative journalist, no less -- once bumped into me right after a chat with the master tenant at his new flat. Rather than go into details on how much everyone would chip in for the washer/dryer, cable, heat, et cetera, she simply waved her arms and said “it all works out.”
And at this my ears pricked up. “It all works out” is about the vaguest utilization of the English language you can conjure up. And, sure enough, she had set it up so he was paying $500 a month more than she was. But, hey, it all worked out.
I was reminded of these semantic shenanigans when I glanced at the Examiner over the weekend. Right on the front page it noted that San Francisco Giants starting pitcher Barry Zito (who signed a $126 million contract prior to turning in a six-win, nine-loss first half of the season in which he gave up 14 percent more earned runs than the league average) “hasn’t come close to expectations.”
Oh really? I’d say for quite a few observers, Zito has lived up -- or lived down -- to expectations quite adequately.
I don’t claim to be an oracle, but I was a bit shocked when the Giants offered the richest contract a pitcher has ever signed to a man with declining statistics over the past four years and one of the slowest fastballs in the Majors.
Like so many Giants fans, I spent Spring Training feeling like Martin Brody in “Jaws” warning Mayor Vaughn that he was wading into a disaster. Unfortunately, it was just as impossible to avert Opening Day as close the beaches of Amity Island, and the team’s problems can’t be solved with a well-placed air canister and a rifle (though I’m certain many fans were tempted to go that route with Armando Benitez).
And yet a summer blockbuster such as “Jaws” hardly captures the emotional chaos Zito and the Giants have subjected us to this year. I'd like to see Manager Bruce Bochy as Estragon and General Manager Brian Sabean as Vladimir in a ballpark version of the Samuel Beckett classic titled “Waiting for Zito." The two would lament about life’s cruelty and contemplate ending it all until being interrupted by Pozzo and his servant, Lucky (portrayed by Barry Bonds and a writer from MLB.com). Estragon and Vladimir are finally visited by a boy (Tim Lincecum) who informs them that Zito will not pitch today. He will pitch tomorrow.
Incidentally, Zito will pitch tomorrow. The Giants have dropped him to fifth in the rotation.
--Joe Eskenazi
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