Legislating Newsom's Attendance. And Calling Him A Bitch.

You know how sometimes we refer to people who are feuding as the “Hatfields and McCoys,” after the West Virginia and Kentucky families that kept killing each other for decades over an insult nobody even remembered?

Of course you don’t. You’re an urban hipster with an iPhone, and I hate you.

Anyway, my point is that, 100 years from now, people are going to talk the same way about “Newsom and Daly.” And, this week, Daly’s definitely pulling “a Daly.”

I know that’s a pretty high standard to meet, but, check it: he’s proposed legislation that would change the mayor’s job description, forcing him to attend at least one Board of Supervisors meeting a month “to engage in formal policy discussions with members of the Board and to authorize the Board to adopt rules and guidelines.”

How cool is that?

I mean, that’s cold. That’s like Darth Vader putting someone in that force-choking-thing he does. You don’t like us? Fuck it, I’m changing your job description: now you have to like us, bitch.

Okay, actually, that’s nothing like Darth Vader. And, to my knowledge, Daly isn’t scheduled to call Newsom “Bitch” until August. But, otherwise, it’s exactly right.

Now, to be clear, this probably isn’t going to actually happen: first the full board has to agree to put it before the public for a vote (since it would amend the City Charter). Then the public would have to vote on it. Could happen, but so far I’d say it’s a long shot.

But, you know what? It’s kind of a good idea. I mean, I’ve covered local governments from coast to coast and in between (which, for you urban hipsters, is called the “Midwest”) and not once have I ever seen a situation like the one we have here now. Everywhere else in the country, mayors go to city council meetings. That’s… what they do. It might or might not be legislated into their job description, but it’s still considered a crucial part running a city.

Even in politics, you still have to show up. Except that, apparently, here you don’t.

So yeah, fix it I say. Write it in. Why not? Not every step in an ongoing, pointless, feud can be the wrong one. The Hatfields, from what I hear, baked a nice pie after every murder. Is that so wrong?

--Benjamin Wachs

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