Hey, big spender! (Craigslist is ridiculous)

Where else can you obtain three-legged pool tables with deeper cracks than Keith Richards' face? Where else can you unearth a "lightly driven" 1997 Mazda 323 with a spider infestation in the back seat? And where else could you find someone seeking two tickets to Game 3 of the 2002 World Series (understandable) in exchange for 1,900 pounds of bananas (not understandable)?

Even the most cursory Craigslist perusal confirms a notion The Doors hit upon 40 years ago -- people are strange. When a seller offers a "milk-stained" prom dress or the spidermobile, it's best to look but not touch.

OK, I test-drove the car.

I was similarly intrigued by this recent posting. Under the header "New Check Book Covers," the Sunset District seller offers your choice of violet or black 7-by-3.2 inch covers for the reasonable price of $2.

That's right, for a two-dollar endeavor you can straggle over to BART, take the Daly City line, hop off at Glen Park, wait for the No. 23, wait some more, hop on the bus, rumble up Monterey Ave., hold tight as the bus slaloms around St. Francis Woods' fountains, hop out, wander the streets searching for the correct house, complete your exchange of goods and services, rinse and repeat.

Or you could motor over there in your car, burning $3.50-a-gallon gas to obtain the $2 checkbook.

You know what? This isn't making much sense. As Donald Rumsfeld put it, I need someone to "calibrate me." (Actually, Rummy said "Calibrate me, Dick," which sounds like something a technically savvy buccaneer would suggest to the only woman on a pirate ship).

Sadly there'll be no calibration. The seller refused to disclose her master plan, replying to S.F. Weekly's entreaties with a terse response: "I only want to sell my check book covers, too busy to talk about stories."

Apparently hawking checkbook covers online is rather labor intensive. But, hey, that's OK when you're dealing with a profit margin like hers.

In any event, now that we've directed the general public to her posting, it's safe to predict a sales bonanza; she'll be busier than ever. It'd be nice if a little recompense came the Weekly's way. Seller, I assume you've got a few checks to go with all those checkbooks?

--Joe Eskenazi