Pantera's Phil Anselmo Puts Another Nail in His Musical Coffin With 'Usurper's Bastard Rant'

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Dear Phil Anselmo,

Why must you persist with trying to make music? Let's just get one thing straight before we get to talking about your new single, "Usurper's Bastard Rant" (actual title) -- Pantera was awesome. Pantera is awesome. Pantera makes us want to get up out of our seats and head bang like it's still 1992.



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The Cast of Glee Covers Icona Pop: Will This Torture Never Cease?

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It's been a while since we complained about Glee. Frankly, we just kind of reached a point where it seemed futile to object in the face of such aggressive perkiness anymore. (That, and the show seems to be helping children and teens understand that being gay is perfectly normal, which is obviously a great thing to have happen during primetime.) However, our rage sensors went into hyperdrive this week when we heard the entirely pointless -- yet somehow still deeply aggravating -- Glee version of Icona Pop's "I Love It."  

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What Went Wrong with MGMT's New Single, "Alien Days"?

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It wasn't an easy decision to give MGMT the honor of having the worst new song of the week. We love this band. We have always loved this band. The reason the psych-pop duo is here is because new song, "Alien Days" just makes no sense to us. It's disappointing. It's like waking up on Christmas morning, expecting a gleaming new shiny bicycle to be in love with for the next year, and, instead, getting a floor puzzle you're going to be done with within a week. "Alien Days" is MGMT's worst single to date, and we just cannot figure out how the band got here.


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Boy George and British Electric Foundation Cover the Stooges, But Why?

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Sometimes songs are written that are so perfect the first time, they become instant classics, indelibly marking the face of music forever and staying in the wider consciousness for all time. One of these songs is "I Wanna Be Your Dog" by Iggy Pop and the Stooges. Dark, filthy, lithe, sexual, timeless -- this thing is actual goddamn genius. So people who decide they're good enough to cover it are -- how do we put this politely? -- batshit crazy. This song is never going to get any better, so leave it the fuck alone already.

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The-Dream's "Slow It Down" Feat. Fabolous: Let the Eye-Rolling Contest Begin

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If ever a group of humans decided to get together and have a competition to see who could roll their eyes hardest, The Dream's "Slow It Down" (featuring Fabolous) would be an ideal song to get the ball rolling. There are so many heinous cliches and nonsensical assertions in this track, it's hard to even see straight while listening to it. To be fair, it's guest rapper Fabolous who pulls out the worst line of all ("All of a sudden I'm Winnie the Pooh and I'm all up in yo hunny") -- but this thing is just... stoopid.


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30 Seconds to Mars' "Up in the Air": Too Shiny For Any Real Feelings

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Is anyone else really shitting surprised that 30 Seconds to Mars is still making music? Like, who really saw that coming? When the first album came out (over a decade ago, incidentally), we were like "Oh, that's cool, Jared Leto has turned into Jordan Catalano in real life! Let him do some role-playing for a while -- this nonsense will all be over soon enough." But no. Here the band still is. On the verge of releasing a fourth full-length. Can't this nightmare be over already?


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Beyonce's "Bow Down": How Did She Go So Wrong?

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You may have noticed, if you saw our Superbowl Halftime coverage, that we're quite enamored with Beyonce. We said things like: "If there is a more compelling pop performer than Beyonce on Earth right now, we have yet to find them," and: "Bey is living, kicking proof that wearing revealing, leathery outfits doesn't have to mean looking like a weak-willed sex toy." We are believers in Beyonce and we are believers in Destiny's Child. So what the holy hell is Beyonce thinking with this new single, "Bow Down"?

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The Aptly Named Mindless Behavior Is a New Wannabe Boy-Band

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Every week, we search high and low, all over the Internet, to find the worst new song of the week. This week, we took kind of a long time figuring shit out. Our original choice was a track called "The Ghetto is Tryna Kill Me" by The White Mandigos -- which you should all go listen to -- it's an awkward, self-conscious, nonsensical combination of reggae, metal and hardcore. People will be nice about it because Darryl Jenifer from Bad Brains is in the band, but the song is fucking terrible. So what could possibly be worse than that mess of a mash-up?


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Carly Rae Jepsen Attempts to Get No One to Call Her Ever

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Last year was the year of "Call Me Maybe". Carly Rae Jepsen nailed everything that was awesome about pop music with that song: It was infuriatingly catchy, had a great video, was adopted and openly loved by the country's hottest stars (and therefore became extraordinarily zeitgeisty), and showed up pretty much everywhere. And it still never got old. "Call Me Maybe" will live on for years to come, and follow-up single "This Kiss" was pretty good too, so it was always going to be hard to keep the ball rolling. Which is why "Tonight I'm Getting Over You" is such a predictable letdown.

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Yo Gotti and French Montana Brag About Money and Bore Us to Tears

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Remember when mainstream hip-hop had something to say? Back in the day, Public Enemy were an educational force to be reckoned with. NWA, who had their misogynistic moments, were in their own way teaching kids about life on the street. A few years later, all that angry stuff was replaced with laid-back hooks from Dre and Snoop and the like -- they were in the hood too, but they were chillin' and smoking blunts and driving around and getting laid. It wasn't terribly useful, but at least it was entertaining.

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