Hunx's Seth Bogart: His Secret Applebee's Haiku Revealed

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Seth Bogart/Ward Robinson
Hunx: Then and now.
His ass-cheeks weren't hanging out in the old picture, but we knew it was Hunx as soon as we saw his 16-year-old self vamping in the pages of an obscure book from 1998. Seth Bogart is featured as one of the fanzine producers in the book Zine Scene: The Do It Yourself Guide to Zines (Girl Press).

Turns out that Bogart (who's currently on tour in Australia with his band Hunx and His Punx) used to make zines for all kinds of occasions, as he reveals in recent interviews. "I did all kinds of stupid shit," he told L.A. Record of his fledgling publishing efforts. "I made a zine called Beans for Teens -- fake sex stories about celebrities. Then I had one about Macaulay Culkin called Mac and Me that was really cute. I had one about Applebee's, and one about puberty."

What he didn't tell L.A. Record is that his zine about Applebee's contained multiple original haiku that he wrote about the diner chain -- but luckily they're in the book.

See Also:
- Watch This Trailer For Hunx's Glitterally Fucked-Up New Variety Show, Hollywood Nailz
- A Trip to the Gay Bar with Hunx and His Punx's Seth Bogart

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This Lady Will Give You $200 And/Or an Hour of Sex for Tickets to See The Weeknd (NSFW)

So mysterious R&B outfit the Weeknd announced its first S.F. show ever yesterday. Tickets for the May 8 set at the Fillmore went onsale at 10 a.m. this morning, and sold out in less than 10 minutes, according to eager seekers on Twitter.

When shows sell out that fast, weird things start to happen. Weird things like people promising to pay multiple times the face value of the tickets and/or give their bodies in exchange for going to the show: "I willing to trade sex (1 hr) to go see the weeknd.....5'5...140 pds....nice ass and titts. Im really serious," reads one offer placed earlier this afternoon on Craigslist, along with this very NSFW picture:

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House Music and Awkward San Francisco Jokes: AM/TM's "Who's Afraid of Monty Luke?"

David Lewinsky
Producer and DJ Monty Luke is the inspiration for a new song and video.
Recording together as AM/TM, S.F. house producers Anthony Mansfield and Tal M. Klein reference a funky bunch that includes Bob Villa, Ecstasy, Maury Povich, Lower Haight staples like Rosamunde Sausage Grill's Tuesday burgers, and the man specifically named in their new falsetto-peppered track "Who's Afraid of Monty Luke?"

Luke, a producer and DJ who runs his own label, Black Catalogue, called the Bay Area and its music scene home before moving to Detroit a few years ago. He doesn't quite get why his old buddies would make a song for him.

"Yeah, when they told me about it, I didn't know what to think," he says from his perch in the Midwest. "And I still don't. However, I did agree to doing a remix for it, so there's that. But it's definitely some insanely inside joke that I'm not even in on. Kinda awkward."

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Hey Bands: Want to Play a Festival and Get Pelted with Tomatoes?

We here at SF Weekly know that every up-and-coming band's ultimate aspiration is to play a huge festival -- while getting blasted in the face with overripe, crushed tomatoes.

Well, every group in the Bay Area has a shot to have its dreams come true -- the Tomato Battle is coming to the Alameda Fairgrounds on Oct. 1, complete with a beer garden, a battle of the bands, and, oh yeah, a 10,000-person tomato fight.

Technically, bands won't be performing during the actual ketchup craziness, but if you're talented, ambitious, and a big fan of getting your daily dose of fruits and vegetables, hit the jump for details on how to enter for a chance to play in the battle.

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Coming Soon: "Record Store in Space," Chapter 2: The Continuing Saga of Miserable, Hilarious S.F. Music Shop Employees

Long ago in the year 2010, on a faraway place known as this blog, we told you about "Record Store in Space (A True Story)" -- the amateur video comedy project of a few rather hilarious S.F. record store employees. The first installment of the series (whose draft script was first written, of course, on a bar napkin) was a silly look at the absurdity of record store employees and the dying retail boxes that employ them... plus an added space-opera subplot for dramatic effect. We enjoyed it tremendously. And now there's another chapter in the series coming online next Saturday, April 16, in honor of Record Store Day. We don't know what will happen to our grouchy characters and their crumbling record-store-as-space-ship, but we do have a preview for you. Hint: It looks painful.

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Watch Hunx and His Punx' Seth Bogart Give an Interview in a Crazy Balloon Costume

The most conservative outfit Seth Bogart has ever worn.
This is like Lady Gaga-level wackiness here, folks: In a video interview done at Scion's Garage Fest, Hunx and His Punx' principal provocateur Seth Bogart wears a pretty-much-insane costume consisting entirely of colored balloons. You can't see his face. You can't see his arms. You can't -- for once -- see his body. All you can see are balloons. Um, wow?

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So Was the Bruise Cruise, Featuring Ty Segall and Thee Oh Sees, an Adventure -- or a Disaster?

Darrow Montgomery/ Washington City Paper
Last year, we told you about the latest wacky festival phenomenon to strike the world of indie-ness: a three-day cruise ship ride to the Bahamas featuring some of the wildest bands in garage-rock, among them, San Francisco's own Thee Oh Sees and Ty Segall.

The cruise went down late last month, and reports from the dozen or so media outlets that covered it are still streaming in. The latest is a cover story in the Washington, D.C., City Paper by Jonathan L. Fischer that manages to capture both the good (music; antics like throwing a bass into the ocean) and the bad (the pervasive shitty cruise ship-ness) of this rather odd happening.

Most importantly, Fischer writes that our locals did us proud. Thee Oh Sees, he says, played the best set of the event:

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Experience Gozzard, the Most Mind-Fucking Local Metalheads You Haven't Heard Of

Gozzard. Whoa.
File this under things we're kicking ourselves for missing: a performance last night from local fantasy metal outfit Gozzard at the Blue Macaw. Now, we're sometime-metalheads over here at All Shook Down, but the attraction of this four-piece freakshow goes far beyond a mere chance to headbang. Gozzard is some massively mystic shit -- costumes, ridiculous gray beards, a creation myth that would make Tolkien twitch, and hilariously earnest vocals. Just check out their own bio:

From a forgotten past, a spell is cast... 
Transcending time, from a long lost era gone by, the magical minstrel Gozzard brings the stone gargoyle Dratacus to life with his guitar. Gozzard uses the dragonian warrior to sing his songs of wisdom and wonder, of love won and lost, and of freedom from bondage. In the overture, Gozzard directs Dratacus with the notes dripping from his fingers, waking him from his solitary stone sleep. Gozzard's haunting and powerful keyboard pedals blend and merge with the added reinforcement from courtly bassist Sir Everingham, and the monstrous percussionist Montez. Gozzard's dynamic sound reinforces their captivating hard rock theatrical show, a show that can't be imagined until it's seen.

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SF Lawmaker Fiona Ma Wants To Ban Raves Statewide

Thomas Levinson
Is this the future of raves in California?
Following several drug-related deaths, arrests, and hospitalizations at raves in the Bay Area and Los Angeles this year, S.F. Assemblywoman Fiona Ma says the state should ban raves altogether.

Ma's bill, the Anti-Raves Act of 2011, would outlaw any "public event at night that includes prerecorded music and lasts more than three and one-half hours." Events held at bars, clubs, and other licensed entertainment venues are excepted, and Ma says the law isn't intended to affect "traditional music concerts."

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