The Muppets' Five Weirdest Musical Collaborations

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This Friday!
Rejoice, puppet freaks (and pretty much everyone over the age of 30, whose childhood memories are inevitably intertwined with The Muppet Show), for this Friday, the new Muppet movie comes out! Muppets Most Wanted has Tina Fey and Ricky Gervais, so it's bound to be good, but the Muppets have a long and rich history of rubbing shoulders with awesome humans, especially those of the musical persuasion. To celebrate, here are five of the weirdest musical collaborations in Muppet history.

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You Should Listen to This Chest-Thumping Remix of The Wolf of Wall Street

Categories: Film, Silliness

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Thump on
Cocaine! Hookers! Matthew McConaughey pumping his chest in a fancy restaurant! There were many indulgences in The Wolf of Wall Street -- and now we have one more. The folks at Eclectic Method have gone and remixed McConaughey and DiCaprio's famous chest-thumping scene into a full-on electro banger, complete with sampled DiCaprio shouts of inspiration and tons of blow-sniffing. It is corrupt and terrible and hilarious and awesome, just like the movie it's based on. Here, via Filmdrunk, is the song you'll find yourself mercilessly addicted to today:


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French Bakers Tell Kanye To Wait Patiently For His Damn Croissants

Categories: Silliness

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Yeezy's croissants will not be rushed, say the French.
This, right here, is the best thing we've seen all week: French bakers have responded to Kanye West's lyrics in "I Am a God," wherein he memorably raps, "In a French-ass restaurant/Hurry up with my damn croissants." And the French bakers have politely -- and with tongues firmly in cheek -- urged Yeezy to settle the fuck down and wait for his precious baked goods. From their letter, via Billboard:

The croissant is dignified -- not vulgar like a piece of toast, simply popped into a mechanical device to be browned. No -- the croissant is born of tender care and craftsmanship ... This process, as you can understand, takes much time. And we implore the patience of all those who order croissants. You may be familiar with the famous French expression, "A great croissant is worth waiting a lifetime for.

Putting voice to a question we've all had, this spokesperson for the Association of French Bakers further asks West whether, "as a deity, you can surely alter the bread's molecular structure faster than the speed of light, no?"

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5 Reasons Why Drunken British Musicians Are the Best Drunken Musicians

Categories: Silliness

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Adele: Even more charming when drunk.
Why is it that when British people drink too much, they become 10 times funnier? It's not just the accents (though that does definitely help). There is just something specific to coming from that island -- and we have no idea what it is -- that inspires a special next-level of unhindered glee and cockiness after too much boozing. Here are our favorite incidents of British singers getting "pissed" (that means wasted where they come from, not angry) in public.

Liam Gallagher Rides a Dog

Reports surfaced earlier this week that Liam Gallagher had run up a £300 bar tab in Ye Olde White Bear pub in Hampstead (a posh part of London). Sure, that doesn't sound like a great deal of money in celebrity terms, but £300 can buy an awful lot of even the fancy champagne Gallagher was drinking, especially when tipping isn't involved. So we're not terribly surprised that one thing led to another and Liam mounted the nearest animal. That's right -- witnesses told The Sun newspaper that the ex-Oasis (and current Beady Eye) singer "was absolutely hammered" and "tried to get on [a] dog's back". Nice one, Liam. We're hoping it was a Great Dane and not a Chihuahua


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Adele

Top Five Things Oakland Spokesman MC Hammer Could Do To Improve His Hometown

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A Hammer for Oakland
Oakland, meet your new tourism ambassador: MC Hammer, famous rapper, man of Christ, former A's exec, and purveyor of some very goofy pantaloons. The man born Stanley Burrell was born and raised in East Oakland, so it's only natural that he'd by tapped by the city for a new campaign to counter its rather grim public image. "Oakland: To know it is to love it" is the slogan for Hammer's effort, and while we'd agree, fancy words aren't going to solve Oakland's image problem alone. (Hammer pants, on the other hand...) So: as an encouraging slap on the back to the man who first introduced us, indirectly, to "Super Freak" -- and who played the first concert we ever attended, in Oakland -- here are five fairly easy ways Hammer could help his native burg.


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Noel Gallagher Claims Rock Stardom Will Go Extinct, Apparently Hasn't Heard of Other Forms of Stardom

Categories: Silliness

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Christopher Victorio
Noel Gallagher performing in S.F.
Aw, look: Another one of Oasis' Gallagher brothers uttered a statement that managed to be arrogant, ignorant, and fuddy-duddy all at the same time!

This time it was the elder (and usually saner) one, Noel, speaking to the U.K.'s Sunday Express about the impending die-off of that rare and vital species, the Rock Star:

Rock stardom will die because nobody will make enough money any more to be rock stars. Everybody will be jobbing musicians. It's unbelievable. The music industry has changed beyond all recognition. The music business we signed in to does not exist any more.

Pity the poor rock star! How will our cultural ecosystem recover? Who will we get to trash hotel rooms? And sleep with multiple groupies at the same time? And release bloated records that only sound good if you've been doing coke for three years straight?

Oh, that's right: DJs, pop stars, and rappers.


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The Annotated Robert Christgau: A Public Service

Categories: Silliness

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Seriously, the b-side was called "I Killed Christgau With My Big Fucking Dick."
Robert Christgau has long been held as the dean of rock criticism and perhaps the discipline's greatest practitioner.

He listens widely, with an open mind, and has over his 40 years in the business been bang-on right more often than any other critic, especially when it comes to pop, world music, and the important work of separating the minor pleasures from the major artists. His review of the Ramones' Rocket to Russia is a high-water mark of writing about popular music: Celebrating the Ramones' formal brilliance, he achieved a formal brilliance of his own.

But often these days his reviews -- always as tight and dense as bouillon cubes -- can tend toward the inscrutable. (He posts a couple times a week on his Expert Witness blog.) To aid the perplexed, we've taken the liberty of annotating a pair of his recent write-ups, a process something like adding water back to astronaut food.

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Photo: GWAR Is Not The Answer

Categories: Silliness

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No, no. This is all wrong.

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Meet the Taco-Loving Creator of That Funny Kreayfish "Fishy Fishy" Kreayshawn Parody

Categories: Comedy, Silliness

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Instead of ragging on high-end fashion labels, what if Kreayshawn's "Gucci Gucci" was about loving fish tacos?

Comedy students Jeremy Burke and Will Reese took that weird question and turned it into an exacting -- and funny -- video parody of the Oakland-via-L.A. rapper's breakout single. The "Fishy Fishy" clip, credited to a Natassia Zolot-lookalike named Kreayfish, went live on YouTube last Thursday and has since racked up more than a quarter-million views. It was featured on World Star Hip-Hop, Funny or Die, and of course, this blog.

Disguised as a parody, "Fishy Fishy" is also a comedic appreciation for the food of Best Fish Taco in Ensenada, a "low-key" favorite of Burke's in L.A.'s Los Feliz neighborhood. The idea for the clip was suggested by his friend, Will Reese, who helped with writing the lyrics and directing the video. From the beginning, their idea was to stick as close to the original "Gucci Gucci" as possible. It helped that Reese's roomate, Richard Figone -- the guy who plays Lil Debbie in the video -- made a beat that sounds remarkably similar to the song's quasi-dubstep backing track.

From there, Burke says, "I printed out her lyrics and pretty much dissected [them] syllable for syllable. I wanted everything to be the same rhyme scheme, almost to the point where our lyrics could rhyme with her lyrics."


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Marijuana Strains That Sound Like Band Names

Categories: Silliness
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Walk into any medical marijuana dispensary -- from the highest end Gaia-loving doobie-works to the grungiest toke hole -- and you'll behold a list of outlandish (and often annotated) strain names guaranteed to confound untutored neophytes and lung-abused crusties alike. Sadly, a plain doper with a brand-new pot card knows no end of confusion trying to make sense of a slew of proper nouns that read like random passages from Nova Express, so we offer the following in the interest of pop mnemonics and pain relief: Marijuana strains that sound like band names.


Strain name: Golden Goat

Strain type: Indica

Tastes like: Euphoria

Band genre: Sensitive indie rock with a quadriplegic drummer named "Stumpy."


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