Seriously, the b-side was called "I Killed Christgau With My Big Fucking Dick."

​Robert Christgau has long been held as the dean of rock criticism and perhaps the discipline's greatest practitioner.

He listens widely, with an open mind, and has over his 40 years in the business been bang-on right more often than any other critic, especially when it comes to pop, world music, and the important work of separating the minor pleasures from the major artists. His review of the Ramones' Rocket to Russia is a high-water mark of writing about popular music: Celebrating the Ramones' formal brilliance, he achieved a formal brilliance of his own.

But often these days his reviews -- always as tight and dense as bouillon cubes -- can tend toward the inscrutable. (He posts a couple times a week on his Expert Witness blog.) To aid the perplexed, we've taken the liberty of annotating a pair of his recent write-ups, a process something like adding water back to astronaut food.

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No, no. This is all wrong.

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Instead of ragging on high-end fashion labels, what if Kreayshawn's "Gucci Gucci" was about loving fish tacos?

Comedy students Jeremy Burke and Will Reese took that weird question and turned it into an exacting -- and funny -- video parody of the Oakland-via-L.A. rapper's breakout single. The "Fishy Fishy" clip, credited to a Natassia Zolot-lookalike named Kreayfish, went live on YouTube last Thursday and has since racked up more than a quarter-million views. It was featured on World Star Hip-Hop, Funny or Die, and of course, this blog.

Disguised as a parody, "Fishy Fishy" is also a comedic appreciation for the food of Best Fish Taco in Ensenada, a "low-key" favorite of Burke's in L.A.'s Los Feliz neighborhood. The idea for the clip was suggested by his friend, Will Reese, who helped with writing the lyrics and directing the video. From the beginning, their idea was to stick as close to the original "Gucci Gucci" as possible. It helped that Reese's roomate, Richard Figone -- the guy who plays Lil Debbie in the video -- made a beat that sounds remarkably similar to the song's quasi-dubstep backing track.

From there, Burke says, "I printed out her lyrics and pretty much dissected [them] syllable for syllable. I wanted everything to be the same rhyme scheme, almost to the point where our lyrics could rhyme with her lyrics."

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​Walk into any medical marijuana dispensary -- from the highest end Gaia-loving doobie-works to the grungiest toke hole -- and you'll behold a list of outlandish (and often annotated) strain names guaranteed to confound untutored neophytes and lung-abused crusties alike. Sadly, a plain doper with a brand-new pot card knows no end of confusion trying to make sense of a slew of proper nouns that read like random passages from Nova Express, so we offer the following in the interest of pop mnemonics and pain relief: Marijuana strains that sound like band names.

Strain name: Golden Goat

Strain type: Indica

Tastes like: Euphoria

Band genre: Sensitive indie rock with a quadriplegic drummer named "Stumpy."

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The Weeknd

​It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday... If you aren't sick of that already, well, we are. So is the R&B group The Weeknd, which dropped a new album called Thursday last night.

We want to celebrate with them, so SF Weekly put together a playlist celebrating every single day of the week. With this, you can rock out not just to Friday, but Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday as well. Hit the jump to check out our days-of-the-week playlist, as well as The Weeknd's newest song.

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SF Weekly's own Exhibitionist uncovered a "Secret Admirer" mix CD (double disc!) found in the used bin of a Valencia Street bookstore, complete with a (possibly unopened) note giving track-by-track commentary, and saddest of all, a date of creation: May 2011.

​Highlights include:

• An (ironic?) assessment of "Ingrown," by Smudge: "The singer of this band also played guitar for the Lemonheads, but I think Smudge is way better and it's kind of weird they were never as famous, but that probably makes them cooler."
• A summation of Liz Phair's career in one sentence: "Too bad she only had one good album."
• (Possibly) embarrassing admissions: "My best friend & I used to listen to this song and drive around the mall looking for cute punk boys. Sadly there were none anywhere ever." (On "P.R.D.C.T.," by Bratmobile)
• The most accurate four words on Little Pete's favorite song: ("Summerbaby," by Polaris): "it's, like, so good."
• The slow realization that the "secret admirer" recipient of the mix hocked it into the recycling bin less than a month after receiving it.

The whole thing is painstakingly documented at the Exhibitionist.

Follow us on Twitter @SFAllShookDown, follow Cody B. Nabours @LongTimeJerk, and like us at Facebook.com/SFAllShookDown.

We know this is an odd thing to assist you with, but we're increasingly convinced that a certain section of the showgoing public is seriously trying to achieve this most shameful of goals. Why are we trying to help them? Well, we figure if these jackasses really knuckle down and go for it, the chances of them getting kicked out will increase and thus improve everyone else's lives significantly. Here, then, are some tips on how to be the most annoying person at a show.

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We don't hate Ke$ha. We actually had a surprisingly good time at her glitter-choked trash-pop orgy last night. But sometimes, we wish we did hate her. So as we struggle with our identity and self-worth after thinking that maybe she's not so bad, here are 10 reasons for us all to resume closed-minded disgust with Ke$ha. And feel free to replace "Ke$ha" with "her fans," or even "humanity."

1. She brings out more dollar signs than a bad rap video.

Richard Haick

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We're pretty sure even Rick Ro$$ would find this guy's bling distasteful.

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​It is with zero regret that we inform you of the existence of this: Miley Cyrus, Hannah of Montana, daughter of the "Achy Breaky Heart" dude, covering the Nirvana anthem/gauntlet/ masterpiece "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Horrified? Witness:

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What a lovely weekend in S.F.: Open tables at all the Mission's best bars, easy access to prime brunch locales, and short pizza delivery times. Was everyone gone for Coachella? Probably -- but we're glad we weren't, and not just because it was really easy to snag fresh pitchers at Zeitgeist. Here's a photo roundup of the Coachella festival's detritus -- 13 reasons we're really glad we stayed home.

1. The sudden appearance of ecstatic, glow-stick-laden ravers.

Christopher Victorio

​ At least at home you know in advance when you're going to be surrounded by a bunch of E-popping freaks. At Coachella, they just appear.More >>