Blogs

Cardboard Tube Fighting League Battle
Dolores Park
July 6, 2008
Notes and Photos by Edward Paik

Better Than: What’s better than the hint of orange from your bottle of Blue Moon ale? The security that comes from a cardboard stick to make sure no one gets too close.

The cardboard knight strikes a pose, his prize cuffed in a fist and swung over his shoulder. He preens, then walks over to his mother and mumbles “I’m going to die. My stick is broken, and somehow I just pulled through."

You’ve earned it, Hank Moseley. You’re a champ. But it never crossed Moseley's 10-year-old mind, that after five rounds of tube-to-tube combat he’d sit atop the board as winner of the children’s cardboard tube fight Sunday at Dolores Park.

“I expected three rounds at the most,” he said shortly after his final bout. Most thought he was done when his stick went limp in the first few minutes of the finale, but he stuck with it and soon enough, his opponent’s aggression and his stubborn defense sent half of the other tube flying.

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Fess up — you always wanted to roam around the Rock at night, stumbling between the cells with a Kentucky bourbon buzz and challenging the ghost of Al Capone to a knockdown fistfight. Right? Sure, everyone does. On Saturday, June 21, you can make your dream come true (and conveniently avoid any pagan hippies swirling away the summer solstice) by taking an alcoholic boat cruise to Alcatraz. The boat leaves from pier 33 at 6 p.m., DJ A.M. spins beats while you sample the hosted liquor bar onboard, then you get to roam (OK, be led on tour) around the Rock until midnight, when you return to the boat for more booze and DJ David Carvalho. Ducats cost a crisp $250, but it's a charity benefit for cancer research, so if you've got the extra cash and some formal attire just lying around, kick down for a ticket at www.cocktailsontherock.com. Or, y'know, you could just bum around with the patchouli kids in GGP like you did for last year's solstice. — J. Graham

The Exotic Erotic Ball and Expo has apparently outgrown the six-acre Cow Palace where the annual hedonistic extravaganza was held the past seven years. Event organizers e-mail to say the Expo will be taking Treasure Island by storm in October:

“We had big fun at the Cow Palace and threw some of our best parties ever at that site,” said producer Howard Mauskopf, "but, on Treasure Island, we will have greater flexibility, and all the space we could possibly want. Plus, it's one of San Francisco's most idyllic and scenic waterside locations with unparalleled panoramic Bay views, and it has its own spicy and salacious past, just like The Ball.”

The Expo comes back to town the weekend before Halloween, opening its doors on Friday, Oct. 24 from 2-10 p.m. and on Saturday, Oct. 25 from noon-6 p.m. Full details here. --Janine Kahn

(Photo by Calibree Photography. Click the image for the full Bay to Breakers slideshow)

I woke up way before anyone should hear an alarm on a Sunday to wait at my Muni stop for the bus to the Embarcadero with a group of dashing young "Bavarian" men holding Bud Light cases and an afro wig, a statuesque silver lady with a computer keyboard, and a bunch of sweatbanded jogging-while-drinking types.

Despite the cold weather (lots of fog up at the park), once the race started the nudists had no problem letting their twigs and berries flap in the wind, while skimpy costumes covered the more modest runners. Best float by far was the Daft Punk pyramid (pictured), with a drunken version of the robotic French DJ duo dancing at the top as a fog machine spouted white clouds into their helmeted heads.

Hours after the finish lines were closed, the party of course moved into the Haight, where people stumbled around blacked out like this was pledge week on frat row. By evening the "athletes" were working on more complicated details than running eight miles: tasks like standing up without puking seemed to take over as great feats of accomplishment some folks who’d perhaps celebrated at one keg stand too many.

Thank god for Monday AM street cleaning. --Jennifer Maerz

P.S. Check out our news blog, The Snitch, for some B2B video.