Get thee to the Super Bowl, GWAR!
Bruno Mars, the world's first human to be born with an airbrushed face, is performing at next year's Super Bowl halftime show. It will be terrible. But at least we will all have 15 extra minutes in which to sleep, eat, fornicate, go get more beer, or forcibly direct our gaze at anything other than the television, which will be broadcasting carcinogenic levels of twerpiness and a nauseating volume of winks. (Epileptics, just leave the room.)