Tonight, the Black Keys are playing the Oracle Arena in Oakland. Did you know they were that big now? We kind of thought they'd be a Fox Theater band forever. Especially since there are so many damn bands with "Black" in their names. Speaking of which, we want to honor Black Keys' arena-playing prowess in the face of having a 'typical' band name by paying tribute to the best and worst of all those other bands with "Black" in their names. (We can't cover all of them, or we'd be here all day). Behold!

The Bad

Black Eyed Peas



We're not even going to patronize you with a detailed explanation about why Black Eyed Peas are one of the worst things to ever happen to music -- you would have to be completely deaf to not already know why. Wait. Actually, make that deaf and blind, since merely looking at them is enough to deduce their heinousness. Who buys this crap? We genuinely cannot figure it out.

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As you are no doubt already aware, the members of LMFAO are complete and utter imbeciles. So the news that they are "thinking about" making a movie should horrify us all to our very core. Know this, everybody: They "have been putting [it] out into the universe for a minute." A whole minute! Think about the nightmare that could ensue if they think about it for five! Or 10! Or -- heaven forbid! -- 90! If they manage to pull this off, we will all suffer under their dayglo wrath. Thinking about the trailers alone makes us want to rip our own eyes out. We already know exactly what this thing would look like -- so here are our five predictions for the LMFAO movie.

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The Feistodon cover art.

As musical pairings go, they don't come much more oddball than Mastodon with Feist.

But -- we can't quite believe it either -- on Record Store Day (April 21st), the unlikely collaborators are releasing Feistodon: a split single that will feature Mastodon covering Feist ("A Commotion") and vice versa ("Black Tongue").

We're pretty sure the results are going to be fascinating. And hey! Maybe it all won't sound awful! To prove it, here are five cover songs that are actually better than the originals.  

5. Cee-Lo Green's Version of "No One's Gonna Love You" (Band of Horses)



Band of Horses are one of those bands that are just consistently incredible. The Seattle quintet has never released a bad album, its live shows are pure catharsis, and musically, these guys sound like no one else. So imagine our surprise when Cee-Lo Green covered one of their songs and made it even better. "No One's Gonna Love You" was enhanced by an extra injection of soul and an accompanying heart-breaking (and also NSFW) video.

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James McCartney

You may have heard this week that Paul McCartney's son, James, wants to get together with the children of John Lennon, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr and be a Beatles: Next Generation band. Truthfully, that might be one of the saddest and most desperate concepts for a musical project we've ever heard.

But all is not lost! Just to prove that it can be done with style and panache -- and without having to rely on lame imitation -- here are our six favorite musical offspring of musician parents.


1. Nancy Sinatra



In the '60s, Frank Sinatra's daughter was a fucking badass. And she was beautiful. And she had great style. And her biggest hits -- "These Boots are Made for Walkin,'" "Bang Bang" -- still sound amazing today. Doing a love song duet with her dad ("Something Stupid") was kind of gross and inappropriate, but we still think she rules.   

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Courtesty SXSW

Springsteen at South-By

​Last Thursday, Bruce Springsteen made the keynote speech at South By Southwest. He was funny, he was heartfelt, he was informative and -- dang, Boss! -- he was ridiculously honest. So honest in fact, that he picked up a guitar, played the opening riff from The Animals' "We Gotta Get Out of this Place," and then followed it immediately with the opening riff of his own "Badlands," before laughing "Listen up youngsters! This is how successful theft is accomplished!"

Ol' Brucey is not the first to steal a riff, of course, and he won't be the last. We love that he had the good grace to admit it, though. So, in his honor, let's take a look at some other relatively recent examples of blatant musical thievery. (FYI: We will not be discussing Lady Gaga pilfering from Madonna's back catalog today because it's too obvious -- apologies for any disappointment caused).

The White Stripes' "I Can't Wait" (Stolen from Nirvana's "Heart-Shaped Box")



It's a testament to the niceness of Dave Grohl that Meg and Jack White didn't get sued over "I Can't Wait." The former White Stripes are also lucky that Courtney Love is apparently too busy in and out of court with a bunch of other people to have even noticed this. If you have a copy of Nirvana's In Utero and a copy of White Stripes' White Blood Cells on your iPod, you've probably been faked out more than once by this, mid-shuffle -- so incredibly close is this song's opening riff to the one Nirvana invented for "Heart Shaped Box." We're tutting and shaking our heads judgmentally in your direction, Jack White.


  
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Coming soon to a Playboy near you?

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After all those Twitter cries for help and suicide attempts last month, Sinead O'Connor has apparently found a new reason to stay alive: she wants to pose for Playboy before she dies.
"There's so much I [would have] liked to do when I was younger and I was too miserable and Irish," she told the U.K.'s Word Magazine. "A Playboy shoot is on my bucket list." The singer also expressed an interest in doing "some interview in weird sex gear," before gleefully declaring: "You can talk about serious issues while you're bollock naked, on all fours, in your dog collar!"

In Sinead's honor then, we'd like to present the Top Five weirdest Playboy appearances by musicians. You're welcome!
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​This Sunday, Rihanna and Chris Brown are both going to be present at the always-prestigious Grammy Awards ceremony in Los Angeles. It's been just three years since they both were forced to drop out of the show last minute, due to Brown having beaten the crap out of Ri-Ri on their way over. We know they're supposed to be friends and all now, but man, we think this could get hella awkward. Which won't be terribly unusual given that the Grammys are always awash with weird, uncomfortable moments. Here are our five favorites.

5. Linkin Park, Jay-Z, and Paul McCartney Massacre a Classic, 2006



This one started off alright (unless you take into account the fact that when Jay-Z gets together with Linkin Park, it always makes their regular rapper, Mike Shinoda, look like an amateur -- poor fella). Then it happened. Right in the middle of "Numb/Encore," Linkin Park vocalist Chester Bennington started warbling the chorus of "Yesterday," by, of course, the Beatles. At that moment, viewers across the country, sat up, took notice and held their breaths in a collective moment of "They wouldn't! ... Would they?" Oh, but they did, ladies and gents. Out came Paul McCartney looking like a confused grandpa at a bachelor party. Bennington started singing like an overeager teenager in a school play, and Jay-Z started grunting in order to have something to do. Go on. Watch the video. This is literally the most uncomfortable we have ever seen Paul McCartney.More >>

​Really, Academy? Only two nominations for Best Original Song this year? And they're both from children's movies? Because there were so many songs on your shortlist (39, to precise), and because only songs that score an average of 8.5 out of 10 from your voters can get nominated, you basically just made yourselves look like a bunch of incompetent, music-hating fools. And now -- joy of joys -- we get to watch you all decide who gets an Academy Award this year: a Muppet-based ballad or the soundtrack to that cartoon bird thing. We'll be on the edge of our seats the night of the awards, for sure, with those freakin' options. (Not.) Here, then -- from your very own not-so-shortlist -- are five songs that should have been nominated for an Oscar.

1. "Gathering Stories," by Jonsi (from We Bought A Zoo)



Sweeping and gorgeous, full of epic romance and rushes of feel-good joy, Cameron Crowe is The Best when it comes to putting together great soundtracks (just think of the songs he resurrected in Almost Famous). This would 100 percent be our choice to win the Academy Award for Best Original Song this year. It's just beautiful. But no. Let's give it to a pile of a muppets and a comedian instead. That's a much better idea.More >>

We were touched this past week to see both Aretha Franklin and Steven Tyler get engaged (not to each other, obviously). It stands as heart-warming proof that you're never too old or flamboyant to find love. In the midst of celebrating the Aerosmith frontman's exciting engagement, however, we also realized that apparently, you're also never too creepy to find The One either. Here are five reasons why Steven Tyler is still kinda creepy (engaged or not).

His Wife-to-be Looks Like... Uh-Oh...

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It took us a minute to put our finger on whom Erin Brady reminded us of -- and once we realized it, we shuddered for a full five. Yes, folks, Steven Tyler's soon-to-be wife bears a striking resemblance to Liv Tyler -- Steven's daughter. It wasn't obvious when Erin was still a blonde, but holy crap, as a brunette, it's seriously apparent. Do us a favor, Ms Brady, and get the bleach back out asap before the Tyler offspring notices. Creepy!
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That's right, folks. It's the rarest of things -- a Christmas song that doesn't make you want to vomit, or jam sharp pencils into your ear-holes. Finding one of these gems is like stumbling across a white tiger in your backyard -- you can't believe it's there, you know it's not supposed to be there, but you're going to suspend your disbelief and just enjoy the moment. Here's our top six Christmas songs that don't suck.

6. "Little Drummer Boy," The Dandy Warhols



The reason this is a good festive song is because if you're at a holiday party and you're wasted and this comes on, it takes at least two minutes to realize that it is, in fact, a Christmas song at all. Oh, the jingle bells are there alright, you're just not getting beaten over the head with them. Which is nice.

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