The Five Funniest Things About Britney's "Work Bitch!" Single

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By now, you've probably heard Britney Spears' new single, "Work, Bitch!". This thing is all kinds of freakin' awesome. Not only is it extraordinarily catchy, but it's tailor-made for almost anywhere anyone has to go, ever, like shopping, or work, or the gym, or the club, or -- oh, we don't know -- underground drag queen boxing matches. Lend us your ears:
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5 Music Videos With Hilarious Comedian Cameos

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Ever since Paul Simon put Chevy Chase in the simple (but now-classic) video for 1987's "You Can Call Me Al," and Bobby McFerrin followed suit the following year by bringing Robin Williams into the clip for "Don't Worry, Be Happy", musicians have been inviting comedians into their music videos. Michael Jackson and Dr. Dre kept the tradition going in the '90s, but there has been a recent slew of stand-up stars showing up in unexpected places again. Here are five notable examples.


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The Top 5 Worst Birthday Songs Ever

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So, 2 Chainz and Kanye West just saw fit to join forces to write a birthday song. Called "Birthday Song." What the ball-sack were they even thinking?

It's a well known fact that there are only three birthday-related songs in the history of music that are actually good. One is Loretta Lynn's "Happy Birthday." One is "Birthday" by the Sugarcubes (which is so insanely great, it almost makes up for all the shit birthday songs in the world). The third one is "Birthday" by The Beatles (and mostly, we're just giving that one credit for the strong opening and short length).

Frankly, zany cartoon Aqua Teen Hunger Force's "Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary" birthday song (featuring Zakk Wylde) made more sense to us than either Chainz and Kanye's "Birthday Song," or any of the following. Here are our top five worst birthday songs.

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Five Awful Attempts at Making Music by Rich, Beautiful, Famous People

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As we all know, it's easy to take pot-shots at stupid, beautiful people. Incredibly entertaining, yes, but easy nonetheless. Honestly, we would stop doing it altogether, if only these clueless floozies would stick to having ridiculous incompetence levels in only their general lives, rather than stepping into the world of music and doing it there, too. Hey, models, "it" girls, and reality stars! Stop goading us with attempts to launch music careers! We have to keep laughing at you! Here are our five favorites.

1. Paris Hilton "DJ"s in Brazil on Saturday



The problem with being surrounded by Yes Men is, well, this sort of thing. We can only assume that at some point, Paris Hilton, bored in a club in the South of France or somewhere, looked at some turntables and went "I could do that! Right, you guys?" and her entourage all made coughing sounds and stared at the ceiling for a while and then just started emphatically nodding and going "Totally, sure, suuuuuuure". The result -- if Saturday's "DJ" set at Sao Paulo's Pop Music Festival is anything to go by -- is so utterly shambolic, it defies description. Observe in the above clip Paris yelling: "This is my new song, 'Last Night,' with Afrojack!" Then giggle as you hear a member of the audience mock her nasal pronunciation of "Afrojack." Finally, allow yourself to become bewildered as Hilton accidentally puts on Rihanna at the same time as 'Last Night,' then starts singing her song anyway. The (excruciating) lesson here? Putting on nice headphones and waving your arms around does not make you a DJ.

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Top 10 Best Classic Albums to Name Yourself After

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Led Zeppelin II has perished. Not the album, of course, but the man: 64-year-old Illinois resident George Blackburn legally renamed himself Led Zeppelin II last fall as an ode to his favorite album of all time. Today, unfortunately, the Chicago Tribune reports that Mr. II (or is it Mr. Zeppelin II?) passed away May 18.

His shining example of rock fandom, however, got us thinking: What other great albums would make great names for human beings? So we did a little musing, and came up with this totally serious and authoritative list of the top 10 best classic albums to name yourself after. Feel free to suggest alternatives in the comments.

10. Aerosmith's Greatest Hits
You could name yourself just "greatest hits," but why leave any doubt as to whose you mean? This is actually the proper name of the album, and what a hilarious mindfuck it would be to explain/boast (because how could you not boast), "I am Aerosmith's Greatest Hits!" You'd never suffer a bruised ego again... unless of course you're not an Aerosmith fan.


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Five Potentially Unhealthy Music-Related Fashion Trends

Humans will always enjoy reflecting their musical tastes via the medium of their clothes. And fashion lunatics will tell you that suffering is all part of being beautiful. But if you want to see out of both eyes, keep your ankles fully functioning, and still have babies on day, we suggest you read on. Here are five music-related fashion trends that could be harmful to your health.

1. Emo Hair

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One more thing to cry about, emotional teens: according to Australian doctor Andrew Hogan, covering one eye with that brooding swoop of hair you've been cultivating for years could, in fact, cause lazy eye syndrome. Don't panic though. Chances are, if you still have emo hair in 2012 (seriously... are you still on MySpace too?), you'll be hanging onto that shit 'til the day you die. In which case, it won't matter if you have a lazy eye or not, because no one will ever see the damn thing.  


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Eight Chubby Male Musicians We'd Love to Cuddle With

Earlier this week, our hard-bloggin' sister paper in Broward County, Fla., ran a thoughtful piece titled "Eight Pleasingly Plump Female Musicians We'd Like to Get Down With." That post has since been flushed from the Internet because a) it turns out women are people, and b) fucking duh.

But famous-people sexy lists are to the internet what Twi'lek slave dancers were to the Rancor, so here's our fair's fair equal-time stab at the same general idea, just sexist and weightest the other way for once. Here then are eight chubby male musicians with whom we'd love to repair to the boudoir, share a glass of warm milk, and get to some stone-cold snugglin'.

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8. John Popper
Because nothing screeches "comfort" like an extended harmonica solo.


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Before Iggy Pop: Five Artists' Memorable And/Or Awful Attempts to Sing in French

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On May 9th, Iggy Pop is releasing his latest album. Woo-hoo! But wait. Simmer down. The record is called Apr├Ęs and it will be comprised mostly of French cover versions -- Edith Piaf and Serge Gainsbourg songs included. We applaud Iggy's ongoing enthusiasm for multi-culturalism and bilingual experimentation, but when native-English-speaking artists have rolled into Francophilia-town before now, the results haven't always been stellar. We'll start with the best and roll on up to the worst. Here are the top five most memorable incidents of English-speakers singing French. Voila!


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Axl Rose Is Batshit: His Top Five Craziest Moments

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You may have noticed in the last couple of weeks that Axl Rose is running amok all over the press again (it's been a while, Axl, thanks for coming back to us). Not only have there been reports that -- try not to vomit on your keyboards -- he's dating Lana Del Rey (so, so wrong on so many levels we don't even know where to start with that one), but now he's questioning the validity of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame... after it decided it wanted to induct Guns N' Roses. Say what you like about Mr. Rose, we never know what he's gonna do next. Here are the top five craziest moments of his career.


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Hey, Coachella Fans: Top Five Signs You're An Aging Hipster

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Timothy Norris/LA Weekly

By LILLEDESHAN BOSE

Aging hipsters -- the very same people Coachella targeted when it began holding the music fest in Indio -- are usually easy to spot on the Empire Polo Fields. They're the ones who can't be bothered to walk over to Gobi and check out a new band because "It's too hot!" (or, in Friday's case, "It's too cold!"). They're the ones who weren't interested in At the Drive In's set because they were too old when Vaya first came out. They make disparaging remarks about everyone else's outfits ('What the fuck is that flower contraption on that girl's head?"). If you think we're talking about you, check out our list after the jump.


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