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The SF Weekly remains a one-way conduit of corporate misinformation, owned by out of towners, and staffed by mercenaries - much like the Onion. All your base are belong to us. While we don't appreciate your two cents, we will spend them. This is Thursday Kings of Commenting. -David Downs, Web Editor

Recently we said, Heath Ledger's untimely death was like, sad and stuff. Ellis H Maupin, responded,

"Doctors prescribe tons of medications to the American public without ample warnings or without ensuring that we know what they are for or what the dangers are."

(Ellis, Ledger OD'd on oxycontin, xanax, and valium. Either he was a depressed, disabled construction worker with anxiety attacks, or he was a cliche.)

Recently we speculated that Ward Bushee Will Bring More McNews to Chronicle. And reader "buddy" came back with,

"that's funny, when i asked people, "what has benjamin wachs done in journalism?" ... funny, because no one knew about you, or you paper, benji. what do think that means?"

(I think it means even lowly Benji's has people beneath him, and they are called dickhead commenters.)

A while back we said something funny about Armenian Genocide and then last week we told a commenter on that post he was stupid because of his grammar.
Now, Paul says,

"3 months and 92 comments later and calling someone out for saying "blog" instead of "blog entry" is the snarkiest response you can come up with? What, no more advocating the murder of millions of people anymore? I expected more from you SFWeekly, or did you suddenly grow a conscience?

(For the record, no. We stand by our stated wish to Exterminate all of Mankind.)

(Click More to read more.)

Every day SFWeekly publishes stories with comments enabled, and every day you turds come by and shit on them. Why do we take it? Because it pays. Every time you comment, we get paid. "Online community"? You're a fucking sucker. Your two cents adds up to millions of dollars in aggregate for sites like YouTube, Yelp, SFist, and us. So now you know. This is Thursday's Kings of Commenting.

-By Web Editor, David Downs

Recently we said the Raiders suck and the Niners suck.
Naturally, Titan's suck dick replies:

you are a piece of shit

Thanks!

We also said soccer sluts need HPV vaccines, duh!:
annie says:

you're poking fun at the ridiculous right-winger hysteria, but in using words like slut, you're simply perpetuating the idea that it's OK to refer to girls this way.

Then we sent some self-actualized, self-proclaimed sluts to go kick Annie's PC ass.

Kings of Commenting: The Best/Worst in SF Weekly Comments This Week

God, this job would be so great it weren't for you douchenob readers. We do our best to ignore you and your clown lives, but every now and then, one of your comments is so inane and misspelled that it crosses some line and we love it. Not you. We still hate you, but we love how stupid you are; like Islam.

This is Kings of Commenting; I'm your scourge, Web Editor David Downs

We quoted a stripper who said the Hustlers Club Toy Drive was crass.
A (different) stripper says,

This reporter must have gone out of his way to find the dumbest girl in the entire club to talk to. I am also a stripper at the Hustler Club, and proud to support the SFFFU (love your acronym!) and shake my ass at the same time. We are not all money-grubbing "busty, slutty" Amy Winehouses, angry at underprivileged children for tapping into our holiday shopping funds -- nor are we all on our way down a long slide to juice joints and drug addictions. We're largely decent girls who have fun doing what we do.

Hey, at least we actually found the dumbest girl in the strip club. It's harder than you think.

We covered Nude Aid and lamented all the dongs.
Lady Monster says,

Thanks Nathan for the review, and for attending Nude Aid. See you next year! P.S. You should have gone upstairs for your pussy peeking pleasures.

That's funny, because usually we satisfy our pussy-seeking pleasures "downstairs," unless we date someone with a vagina face, which would be awesome.

We said some shit about exploding fruit.

Dear reader community, similar to the Onion, this publication is a one-way conduit for information, and we appreciate your lack of daily input. However, we occasionally amuse ourselves with your reactions when they penetrate our calloused, evil media hearts. Here's our faves of the week. —David Downs

We say, slacker guys and striver girls shouldn't date, or something:
billy says,

Well if this the best story EVER in the SF weekly then it just goes to show the sad state of journalism in this City. Fluff, fluff, and more fluff, hipster nonsense. It reads like some yuppie chicks Teen People mag and it is just as important and relevant.

but E Taylor says,

I really enjoyed this article. I used to depend too much on my girlfriend, and I didn't see how it was hurting her. Now I work a lot harder to be supportive on all levels. Thanks for bringing the issue to the surface.

We say, the moped gangs of SF are angry and silly!
john doe says,

You are a total hack. Fuck you and your paper.

while Chris P. Bacon says,

You're scum. SF Weekly is scum. Not only is this REALLY OLD news (as in your a year too late!), but your throwing peoples names into a paper where anyone can read it when they clearly said they didn't want to be featured in your stupid little article.
Lame.

Whereas Lucy the Daughter of the Devil says,

#1: The SF Weekly is a locally owned/run paper that often prints stories that the corporate rags don't or won't.
#2: This is a FREE paper. If you don't like it, don't pick it up or surf to it (no brainer)
#3: The words 'Moped' & 'gangs' should NEVER, I repeat, N-E-V-E-R be used together (unless it's a joke)
#4: Men/boys don't look cool on a moped in the US -EVER