Happy St. Patrick's Day! Here's a Playlist of Good Irish Songs -- And No U2

Categories: Holidays

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Thin Lizzy in 1981.
It's St. Patrick's Day. Naturally, you need something to listen to while you sip Guinness and eat corned beef. But you don't want to listen to U2, because -- well, you just don't. So! We (with the help of an Ireland-born-and-raised friend), are here to help. For your St Patrick's Day enjoyment, we've compiled a short playlist of songs by Irish artists approved by an actual Irishman. And with no U2. Some of these you've definitely heard before, some of them you haven't. So listen up, and start pouring us a pint:


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Top 10 Songs You Should Probably Definitely Not Play on Valentine's Day (Seriously)

Categories: Holidays

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By RYAN RITCHIE

Good music tends to get people in the mood. Sadly, not every artist is Marvin Gaye, nor is every song "Let's Get It On." Some tunes, while perfectly awesome in their own right, just don't have the right ingredients to make people want to get naked. And seeing how today is Valentine's Day, the last thing anyone needs is a soundtrack that makes you keep your clothes on. With that in mind, here are 10 songs that should be saved for Saturday -- or really, any other day but today.


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And the Best Christmas Song of All Time Is ...

Categories: Holidays

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What is the best Christmas song of all time? Trick question: There are two. One of them is among the three choices we've got here, and the other is whichever song happens to be playing at the exact moment on Christmas Day when you are 1) riding a high of fatty, salty holiday food; 2) giddily inebriated on expensive booze you didn't pay for; and 3) not yet mired in that argument with Uncle Biff about why giving people free healthcare isn't a terrible idea/why people should be free to marry whomever they want/why it's perfectly fine that you don't yet have a spouse/child/front lawn.

That Christmas song, the one that comes at just the right moment, we cannot predict for you. But the other best Christmas song, the one that's the best every time you hear it -- well, that one's easy. Sort of. We're pretty sure it's one of these three:


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The Top 5 Most Sex-Obsessed Christmas Songs

Categories: Holidays

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Christmas come-ons get funny, gross, creepy, and even creepier. One thing they always are, this time of year: present. Christmas songs, like so much pop music, are basically just coded ploys for sex, some far cleverer and more seductive than others. Here are five of the most libidinous Christmas classics, ranked from least to most creepy.


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Watch: Best-Ever Slayer Christmas Lights Display Gets You in the Holideath Mood

Categories: Holidays, Metal

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The snowman headbangs. The drummer tosses his stick into the air and catches it. The other snowman sings the words. Meanwhile, the whole house -- and the adjacent tree -- flash, whirr, and rush in a stream of colored lights to the tune and rhythm of Slayer's "Angel of Death." The YouTuber known as Slayer Bob has been at this rare magic before; we even posted his handiwork back in 2010. He was going to mix things up this Christmas with a non-Slayer synchronized Christmas light display. But after guitarist Jeff Hanneman died earlier this year, he knew he had to do one last tribute to the thrash-metal greats. And what a tribute it is. Behold:

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Hieroglyphics' Casual Admits That He's Been "Santa Claus" This Whole Time

Categories: Hip-Hop, Holidays

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Did you know the Oakland rapper Casual is actually Santa Claus? Yes, he is. The Fat Man in the White Suit is real, living on the warm side of the Bay, and has been hanging out with the Hieroglyphics crew. Proof has arrived today, in the new form of a song in which the rapper Casual admits that he is the real Mr. Claus. Its title: "Santa Claus." Its placement: First on a new four-song EP. The opening track is more than a little goofy, though it's also filled with good rapping and a lovely jazz guitar sample.

But that is all to be expected. Though he's very busy delivering presents around this time of year, Casual is also a #RapGod, remember:


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Don't Forget Jimi Hendrix, Johnny Cash, or MC Hammer When You're Honoring Veterans Today

Categories: Holidays

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If "God Bless the U.S.A." and its ilk aren't quite doing it for you this Veteran's Day, have no fear: You can pay homage to those who've served without feeling like you're in a Chevy commercial. Here are a few alternatives.


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Halloween Playlist: Top 10 Songs of Bloody Sexy Freaky Awesome For Your All Hallows' Eve

Categories: Holidays

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Everyday is Halloween for the Misfits.
By RYAN RITCHIE
Jehovah's Witnesses are totally onto something with that whole "no celebrating" thing. I mean, Capitalismmas sucks, Thanksgiving is nothing more than an exercise in gluttony, and Easter is a joke because there's no Jesus and even if there was, he sure as hell didn't rise from the dead. But as much as I want to act like my birthday is just another day (Nov. 10, in case anyone wants to send me gifts), I could never be a Jehovah's Witness because they don't celebrate Halloween and, well, I do. A lot. Luckily for me, so do lots of others.

For heathens such as myself, today is our day and, more importantly, tonight is our night. We will engage in acts we know we shouldn't partake in. We will be whatever we want and not feel bad about it. We'll roam the streets until the sun comes up. And we'll get wasted and maybe make out with a stranger. Goddamn, I love Halloween!

Here, in no particular order, are 10 songs to get you in the Halloween spirit.

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Uncle Sam Jams: A Look at America's Musical Propaganda

Categories: Holidays

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The Fourth of July is a great day to be an American. For one day a year, every man, woman and child gets to picnic, watch fireworks, and play reverently American songs with sweet abandon.

But the Internet isn't an American. And it hears everything. This Independence Day, we're looking back at a darker era, when wars and civil rights struggles produced "patriotic" songs with notably dark themes. It turns out that political propaganda makes for some very strange music. Here's a look back -- but proceed with caution, especially if you love the motherland.


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Saturday Is Jawbreaker Day: The 10 Songs You Must Play To Celebrate

Categories: Holidays

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Jawbreaker: Adam Pfahler, Blake Schwarzenbach, and Chris Bauermeister
By RYAN RITCHIE

This Saturday is May 4, also known as Star Wars Day, since "May fourth" sounds very similar to "may the force," as in, "may the force be with you." This holiday allows fans to wear non-ironic Han Solo T-shirts in public without feeling like middle-aged schlubs. Star Wars Day is super fucking geeky -- in an awesome way, of course -- but there's a more cultish group that celebrates May 4 for a totally different reason. That group is Jawbreaker fans.

Taken from the title of the song "Sluttering (May 4th)," the Internet has dubbed May 4 Jawbreaker Day. Which is great. But there's one massive problem with Jawbreaker Day: No guidelines exist for how to celebrate the illustrious and now defunct San Francisco punk trio. Obviously, one should listen to the band's music -- but an iPod shuffle just isn't gonna cut it. No. We need rituals, dammit, the type that would make a guy in a Darth Vader helmet think, "Wow. That guy's a fucking nerd." Here then are 10 Jawbreaker songs that must be listened to on Saturday -- in this particular order -- and some specific instructions on how to celebrate when each one comes blaring through your speakers.


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