The problem with being famous and getting special treatment everywhere you go is that you sometimes forget that rules actually apply to you. Yes, music stars, we know you think you're more important than the rest of us plebeians, but make no mistake about it: In the eyes of airport security, you're a nobody. Worse: you're a nobody who's taking twice as long to take your shoes off at the bag scanner because they're vintage Louis Vuitton (to match your luggage). Since 2 Chainz got arrested in New York's LaGuardia Airport yesterday for carrying an item perceived to be brass knuckles by the TSA, we figured now was a good time to help y'all out with a handy guide. Here's how to get through airport security when you're a famous musician.

More >>

Mug shot

Don't taunt the Tyga.

Los Angeles rapper Tyga's March 19 concert in Omaha, Nebraska didn't end well -- after the show, there was a shootout. The rapper told XXL that a local act was mad because Tyga wouldn't let the group open up for him on the spur of the moment, and that the locals started throwing debris on the stage during his performance. But, judging from a video (which you can watch after the jump), the rapper's aggressive behavior may have escalated the incident. "On some real shit, you can meet me outside!" Tyga screamed at them from onstage. "I'ma do this one more motherfuckin' song for my fans and then I'ma go outside."

After the show, Tyga and crew were followed in their van by a black sedan that fired shots, hitting Tyga associates Honey Cocaine (an Asian female rapper) in the arm and Derrick Lowe in the hip.

The Young Money MC plans to stop in San Francisco tomorrow night (March 29) for a show at the Warfield. And since it's apparently not clear to everyone how to get through a Tyga show safely, we've got some helpful advice on how to make sure there isn't a repeat of what happened in Omaha.

More >>

​
Yes, music lovers, it's that time of year once more where we pack our party shoes into our well-worn cases and fly off to Austin, Texas, for the South by Southwest music "conference." (Really, people? Conference? If everyone was being honest, this thing would be called South by So Wasted.) As anyone who's ever been to this cacophony of chaos will tell you, shit can get pretty crazy at SXSW. Here's how to get through the next week without dying.

1. Give Your Liver a Rest Before You Go
We cannot emphasize this enough: do not drink for three full days prior to your departure, unless you are a full-blown alcoholic whose liver is used to such behavior. The second you reach Austin, you are going to be drinking and you are going to be drinking a lot. For five full days and nights. The last thing you need in the middle of Andrew W.K.'s midnight show on Wednesday is back pain brought on my a kidney infection. Start fresh so the deterioration of your physical well-being takes longer.

More >>

Play in the goddamn street if you have to.

​
You've never heard of Brightlighters because they've only been a band for five months. But this San Francisco trio -- vocalist/guitarist Travis Busse, vocalist/bassist Matt Cline and drummer Nate Blaustone -- are already experts when it comes to navigating the pitfalls of being the new boys in town. Here's their advice on how to be a new band in San Francisco, without immediately imploding.

Improvise on the Essentials
You have to have your own gear, which is expensive. Then you have to have a way to transport that gear. We currently use Nate's roommate's Jeep to do that -- which gives us a really going-to-the-beach-in-the-'80s vibe before every show that we've had to learn to embrace. We've also learned to embrace bending ourselves into weird positions like it's a game of human Tetris, because there's not enough space for us in the Jeep once the gear's in. The other most important thing your band needs is a space to practice, which means renting one. By the way, renting a place to practice in San Francisco is more expensive than renting a house to live in in the suburbs. So you have to share with other people. We share our practice space with a stoned marching band who are really into porn and fond of burning incense in there. Which is obviously awesome.

More >>

Jive

Britney Spears and boyfriend Jason Trawick in the new "Criminal" video

​We've all been there. You're at home, doing the dishes or washing the dog, and in swans your famous partner and demands that you be in their latest music video. Nightmare, eh? We understand that this is a really common problem -- Britney Spears' fella is apparently half-naked in her up-coming video for "Criminal" -- so we wanted to guide you through this oh-so-public minefield as carefully as possible. Thankfully, we've got lots of examples for you to learn from. Here's some advice on how to be in your spouse's music video, without making a fool of yourself.

Don't Be Slutty in a Place of Worship
When Axl Rose rolled home to his then-girlfriend Stephanie Seymour and asked her to be in the video for "November Rain," we bet the conversation went something like this:
Axl: "Honey, I've been thinking..."
Stephanie: "Is everything alright, dear?"
Axl: "Yeah... I guess. It's just that I'm punching so far above my weight right now, dating you and all, I kind of want to put you in a Gn'R video to prove that this even happened."
Stephanie: "Oh sweetie, I'd love to, but only if I can dress like a puffy whore in church and have you ram your tongue down my throat while a priest watches. Is that cool?"
Axl: "Honey, you read my mind! Man, this relationship is going to last forever!"




More >>

After having Jens Lekman's subtly gorgeous show at California Academy of Sciences nearly ruined last night by loudly chattering drunks, we think it's perhaps time to lay down some reasonable guidelines for talking during shows. No pop music show, no matter how quiet, is like the symphony, where you should open your mouth only to breathe, if ever. But it's extremely rude to talk over any show that others paid considerable amounts of money to enjoy.

So here, after the jump, are a couple of simple rules that should help everyone decide when it's okay to talk at shows, and (most importantly!) when it's not.

More >>

Kalene Nelson

​All Shook Down has been trying for weeks to find someone who works in a venue kitchen to dish the dirt about band riders and rude customers. We found them to be a remarkably insular bunch (not a Gordon Ramsay in sight!) and almost gave up until we found Kalene Nickelson -- an ex-kitchen staffer for The Fillmore who was only too happy to let us know what it's like on the sweatier side of the food counter. Here's how to work in the kitchen of a music venue without throwing leftovers at the audience.

Be Prepared for Pointless Questions
"Um, guys? Whatever you order is going to be served to you on paper, so when you ask 'So what do you recommend?' it feels totally condescending and entirely pointless. Seriously dudes, you're talking venue food, not the French Laundry, so there's little opinion to be had either way. No one got up early to find the best local parsley for your garlic fries, and -- just a heads up -- the cheese in that quesadilla you're going to get is from Costco. It's all straight-forward but pretty darned tasty, so just pick one and move on."

More >>

Say what you want about Billy Joel. Just know that the man has your best interests at heart.

Throughout his lengthy career, the singer-songwriter has held Q&A/cocktail sessions at intimate venues, offering folks the opportunity to ask him questions around mouthfuls of scallops wrapped in bacon. In between piano interludes on his Steinway baby grand and playful interaction with the crowd, Joel motivates and energizes the crowd regarding the creative process. It's like Zig Ziglar heading up a production of Joey & Maria's Comedy Italian Wedding: Billy Joel will give you the only roadmap ever needed to achieve success in life!

Anyway, in honor of 1978's massively popular 52nd Street getting the vinyl reissue treatment, here are five bits of sagely advice Joel never offered to aspiring artists during his Q&A's, but very well could have.

1. "Laying down tracks is like laying brick."
Joel is forever reminding the lunch pail-and-Timberland subset of his audience that he's just as proletarian as them -- that there's a "job" aspect to being an opulent, bidet-using, topiary-loving, multiplatinum-selling artist. He often accomplishes this by making his narrators all blue-collar punchy and sweaty. 52nd Street's "Rosalinda's Eyes" discusses union wages and the difficulty of finding a steady job. "Today I do what must be done," go the rather opaque lyrics in "Until the Night." "I give my time to total strangers" could be about working in a soup kitchen, manning a suicide hotline, or handing out free samples of Chinese dumplings at the Roosevelt Field food court.

More >>

​
Ah, venue coat check. Utterly necessary if you want to stay comfortable at your gig of choice -- and totally undervalued by almost everyone. A few years ago, I worked coat check in Slim's. It was a wonderful venue to work at with a fantastic staff and a delicious kitchen, but being a coat check attendant there -- while fun on occasion -- provided me with an insight into humanity that I didn't necessarily need. Here's how to use coat check at a music venue without being a total douche (seriously, kids, it's not that hard).More >>

​In case you haven't heard, TOPR is an S.F. underground rapper with a rage problem, beloved by hip-hoppers and punks the nation over. In the midst of working on his seventh full-length, Afterlife Of The Party, as well as fronting a thrash-punk band on the side, he's here to share with us the keys to saying exactly what you want, when you want, and how you want, while staying in people's good books. It's a skill, people, it's a skill. So for those of you thinking of going into the loudmouth rapper business, here's how to do it and stay alive.

Use Ridicule as a Weapon
"If you offend someone, do not shy away from conversation. And by conversation, I mean confrontation. And by confrontation, I mean ridicule. The moment you get the sense that someone is being made to feel uncomfortable, hone in on that person with the unwavering focus of a meth addict rebuilding a carberator. Cleverness, although useful, is completely unnecessary. In fact, the more childish and moronic, the better. If said subject of ridicule has a signifigant other present, hit on them incessantly -- male or female. Make sure to talk about the offended person, as if they're not there, even if they're right next to you. Make sure there is no way for the disrepected party to be able to walk away without either, (a) punching you, or (b) regretting not punching you for the rest of their life."

More >>