One Direction Decide to Be Mumford & Sons, Embarrass Us and Themselves

Categories: Freak Show
Sometimes, when new songs come out, we're so overcome with rage that the urge to simply write curse words over and over again until they form a paragraph is overwhelming. For example, when we first heard One Direction's new single earlier this week, all we really wanted to do was post a link to the video next to the phrase: "Fuck you in the fucking eyeballs, you shower of hackneyed twats."
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Jello Shots, Cut-Off T-Shirts, and Rushing the Stage: What Happens When 89 Cougars Go To a Def Leppard Concert in Concord

Categories: Freak Show

89 Def Cougars assembled and ready for Friday's show.

Full disclosure. Growing up in the '80s, I was not a big Def Leppard fan and never even considered going to one of their concerts.

But two-and-a-half decades later came the irresistible bait: the ticket plus a pre-party at a gorgeous Alameda home with alcohol and catered food and 88 other moms like me, chartered buses for the ride to the show and back, and a T-shirt emblazoned with "Def Cougar" across the chest, all for a mere fifty-five bucks.

I was in, big fan or not.

Last September's word-of-mouth event attracted 47 East Bay moms; this year's event, 89 -- plus a waiting list. "Clearly the band still has it," co-organizer Karin Fox, an Alameda real estate agent, told me. This was Fox's fifth Def Leppard concert.

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An Open Letter to Chris Brown and His Abhorrent Neck Tattoo

Categories: Freak Show
Chris Brown at the VMAs

Dear Chris Brown,

About that new neck tattoo of yours that's causing such universal disdain: who the hell do you think you're fooling exactly? When the world notices that your new ink is clearly based on images of Rihanna's face after you beat the crap out of her three years ago, and you deny it, it is about as convincing as when you two imbeciles try to act like you're no longer hooking up. Stop insulting our intelligence and just own the fuck up to being the giant psycho that you are.

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The Tupac Hologram Is Terrifying and Distasteful. Let's Stop This Madness Now.

Categories: Freak Show
Tupac hologram.jpg

On Sunday, April 15, 2012, the world officially entered science fiction-land. Sure, iPods are pretty futuristic, GPS is spy magic from space, and we all have stupidly intelligent phones now, but nothing has felt quite as much like living in a Buck Rogers episode than when Tupac got resurrected in hologram form at Coachella.
By now, you've all seen it. And it's pretty shocking on a number of levels. The first time you see that thing in action, your brain starts spewing questions: How are they doing this? Should they be doing this? Is this a joke? Was Tupac's waist really that tiny? Is he really still alive, like that crazy bitch from the bar keeps insisting? But, after the shock of the spectacle is over and Dr Dre has announced that he wants to tour with this thing (we guess you don't spend half a million dollars creating something, only to use it once), the only thing we should all be feeling is horror.

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Dave Mustaine Confirms Idiocy Twice in One Week

Categories: Freak Show

​As you may have already heard, a couple of days ago, Megadeth's Dave Mustaine told that he was "hoping that whatever is in the White House next year is a Republican" (he knows politicians aren't robots right? Surely that should be a "whoever," not a "whatever"?) and gave his own rather bizarre opinions of all of this year's G.O.P. presidential candidates.

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The FBI Classifies Juggalos as a Gang (of Idiots?)

Categories: Freak Show
Well, it's official. According to the FBI's National Gang Threat Assessment for 2011, Juggalos -- those loud-mouthed, clown-faced, Insane Clown Posse-loving idiots -- are a real live gang. They're listed as a "Non-Traditional" gang on the Contents page, but they're a gang nonetheless. And if you read this thing, the FBI is clearly genuinely concerned about the crimes this moronic team of face-painters are committing around the country. And here we were thinking they were just simpletons with a love of terrible, terrible music and playing dress-up!

According to the report, Arizona, California, Utah, and Pennsylvania already recognize Juggalos as a gang. The report also states that "Transient, criminal Juggalo groups pose a threat to communities due to the potential for violence, drug use/sales, and their general destructive and violent nature." In addition: "Open source reporting suggests that a small number of Juggalos are forming organized subsets and engaging in gang-like criminal activity, such as felony assaults, thefts, robberies, and drug sales."

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Performance Artist Ann Magnuson Will Perform as David Bowie Tomorrow Night

Categories: Freak Show

Ann Magnuson
Blame it on Halloween, we s'pose, but this is quite a week for artists performing as other artists here in S.F. Obvs there's that iPort-wet-dream of a garage/punk show Friday at Brick and Mortar, but here's another, possibly way stranger happening: Tomorrow night at SFMOMA, the performance artist Ann Magnuson -- best known as an NYC club girl, member of '80s weirdo rock band Bongwater, and purveyor of strange characters -- is doing an exploration of "the rock star as witch doctor, myth maker, and ritual sacrifice." This will involve some sort of live show where she'll play David Bowie, performing his early '70s songs in a "tribute cabaret."

Later, we assume, the ever-cagey Magnuson will also "embody" (?) Jobriath, the first openly gay glam rocker. And it gets better: "The performance also will incorporate dreams, Jung, human sacrifice, Aztec shamanism, and all things dark, bloody, and beautiful," according to its website. Which, whoa! Arty types assuming the Bowie pose ain't nothing new, of course, but this iteration sounds interesting.

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The X Factor Makes Its US Debut, Crazy People Get Humiliated

Categories: Freak Show

So, this week The X Factor -- Simon Cowell's new reality show/ singing competition -- arrived on U.S. screens for the first time, and we've already had two nights of occasionally exciting, often harrowing, auditions. In case you missed it on Wednesday and last night, the operating principle is exactly as you would expect: four judges (L.A. Reid, Paula Abdul, Nicole Scherzinger and, yes, Simon Cowell) cast judgment over a string of contestants in a variety of cities. One of the key differences between this and other music talent hunts is that the auditions happen in front of an arena-sized audience (America's Got Talent-style) which, in turn, also passes judgment -- sometimes very vocally. 

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Why Did Jack White Collaborate With the Misogynistic Insane Clown Posse?


Jack White is a man we like. We like the White Stripes, we like the Dead Weather -- hell, we even like bits and pieces of what The Raconteurs have done (yes, they're boring occasionally, but they really come alive from time to time). He's a maverick, a man with ambition, a man with creative scope. And he's handsome, which helps.

So, we're never that surprised to see Jack White pushing himself creatively. Nonetheless, we weren't terribly impressed to hear that he'd teamed up with Insane Clown Posse -- one of the biggest jokes any music-lover has had to endure for the last nineteen years.
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Anderson Cooper Calls Out Chris Brown; Ladies Everywhere Swoon

Categories: Freak Show, News
chris brown.jpg

So, remember that thing that happened at the 2009 Grammys? That thing where Chris Brown  and Rihanna both no-showed on account of the fact that he'd beaten the crap out of her? Then shortly afterwards, photos emerged online of a decidedly broken-looking Rihanna, sporting a swollen eye, a split lip and massive lumps on her forehead? It was a harrowing image and undoubtedly hard to forget...

...Or so you'd think. The truth of the matter is, a great deal of people seem to have erased the entire incident from their minds and somehow forgotten that Chris Brown did this, admitted to doing this, apologized weakly, then got off far too lightly in court. Apparently, enough time has passed and now all is forgiven because his fourth album is doing well, SNL welcomed him onto the show earlier this year (nothing funny about that, Lorne Michaels), and even little Justin Bieber recently recorded a duet with him (cute!).

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