
By Bonnie Ruberg
The Clickable Clit continues this week with more adventures from the personal diary of an SF-based cybersex expert.
When online isn’t enough
Monday, November 17th
Filed under: Boy/girl toy follow-ups, Fantasies, Online heads offline, Professional concerns
I’ve mentioned before that I’m experiencing strange feelings toward Dr. S. Specifically, I’m experiencing what in real-life I’d call a crush. In cyber life, I’d call it impossible — for me at least. Still, here I am, rambling/thinking about a man I’ve never met. Specifically I’m thinking I’d like it if he showed up on my doorstep. For real.
Introducing this into the conversation has been awkward at best (see: simultaneous sarcasm and sincerity). Surely we wouldn’t be the first people on earth to meet for real-world sex after hooking up online, but 1) we live across the country from one another and 2) he has a girlfriend. There’s also 3) the fact that the nature of our sexual relationship has always been about our shared enthusiasm for cybersex. Wanting to take it offline somehow feels like breaking the rules.
How to confront him? Surely not to his online face. Instead, I wrote a column about it last week, where I admit I have irrational feelings for him and would like to meet him in real life, which I worked up the nerve to email him. His eventual response:
I reread your Village Voice article about our encounters and I have to admit that your closing questions often cross my mind as well. So, no need to slyly slip such inquiries into conversation. I’m more than happy to entertain those ideas.
I’m even more ridiculous for sitting around wondering: what does that mean? That he’s willing to roleplay scenarios in which we really do meet, like the one I suggested last week — which he hasn’t mentioned since? Does it mean he, like me, is interested in coordinating something more concrete? And what, pray tell, is up with me in general? I write about the virtues of cybersex as an end in and of itself, and here I come across my first sexy, reliable online partner in years and suddenly online isn’t enough? I’m somewhere between a stupid, swooning schoolgirl and a good old-fashion hypocrite.
This poor guy has just gotten caught in the cross fire of my own confusion. Sorry for the drama, Dr. S. If you weren’t so sweet (and so good in cyber bed) I wouldn’t have this problem…
More >>