By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more adventures from the personal diary of an SF-based cybersex expert.

I get to jump the professor I always wanted
Sunday, September 28

I was always one of those undergrads who fantasized about jumping her professors. That’s why, when three weeks ago I got a Facebook message from a writing teacher at a Midwest university looking for a kindred soul to expound on the wonders of text-based cybersex, I did a little mental dance. The thing about cybersex that’s always interested me is the language, the use of words. Here I had a man with a PhD in that topic on my virtual doorstep, ready to explore the art of writing — in my pants. Then, a few days ago, I received the following in an email:

Ms. Ruberg,

Best,
Dr. S.

I literally went weak in the knees when I read that. As my fiancé said when I told him about the date we set to explore this little roleplay two days from now, “Wow, a writing professor wants to pretend to do you in his office? You eat that shit up.” And I do. More to come!

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By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more online adventures from an SF-based cybersex expert…

Rude Virtual: Like Second Life without the Excuses
Sunday, September 21

I just got another PR email about Rude Virtual, a new MMO dedicated solely to online sex. Other cybersex worlds that have come before it — like Red Light Center — haven’t done so well. While you’d think that creating a 3D, multi-user environment specifically for sex would be a goldmine, it seems people want to at least have the pretense of general human interaction before jumping headlong into virtual bed.

Rude Virtual looks pretty much the same. With graphics reminiscent of Second Life, it seems like one more Internet night spot where men will far outweigh women and the few female avatars that do hang around are handled by real-life dudes. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but since the world caters to a fairly mainstream market (i.e. not the open-minded subculture that roam Second Life) I’m thinking the average player is going to be disappointed.

The one thing that does make me sad I can’t play Rude Virtual — it won’t run on my Mac — is I’d be curious to see what the user interface is like when it comes to cybersex. As Google’s Lively recently learned, not all chat setups are created equal. Some work better for dirty talk than others. I would hope that this new program gives you lots of privacy, should you want it, and lots of options. From the site all it looks like it gives you is lots of flesh and awkward dancing.

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By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more online adventures from an SF-based cybersex expert…

Cybersex at 30,000 Feet
Sunday, September 14th

American Airlines recently announced they'll be providing full access wireless internet on a number of their domestic flights. Apparently, for a number of flight attendants, that's cause for worry, not rejoicing. Why? Because they're afraid that, given WiFi, passengers with laptops will use it to look up "seedy" websites in an attempt to pass away the in-flight hours with mile-high smut. While those cart-pushers may be worried about porn and complimentary blankets cleverly covering crotches, I'm busy thinking of all the possibilities for cybersex at 30,000 feet.

Sure, getting it on online in an airplane wouldn't be that different from doing it at any other crowded, public place (remind me to tell you those stories later), but there's something so novel about describing something dirty you'd like to do to a stranger over text chat while you're soaring above the ground. Plus, all novelty aside, cybersex would be a great way to pass the time -- and it's so much more entertaining that in-flight movies. Should anyone acquire the balls to bring this dream of mine to fruition, here are some initial tips for the cybersex mile high club:

1) The people around you can see what's on your screen. Maybe that's a good thing, you naughty exhibitionist. If you prefer to keep your online sex life more secret, get a window seat and put up some blinders, like a folder you hold on one side of your laptop.

2) Please, don't touch yourself in your seat. Talking dirty is all well and good, and even kind of funny depending on whom you're sitting next to, but the idea of spending five hours beside a wanking perv (and I don't use that term lightly) isn't pretty. You wouldn't want it to happen to you, so don't make it happen to someone else.

3) Make your exit to the bathroom, should you need one, discrete. No massive bulges when you work your way down those tiny aisles.

4) Remember to tell whoever you're cybering with your in an actual airplane. Like, for real. 'Cause that's hot.

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By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more online adventures from an SF-based cybersex expert…

Sunday, September 7th

“As far as what I like to do in cyber bed, I wouldn’t say I’ve spent much time there. That is, I’ve spent more time on the cyber floor, in the cyber kitchen, pool/hot tub, beach, library, etc.,” said a new, sexy Facebook friend of mine when I asked him about his tastes in cyber bed. “In this way, cybersex is a way to realize and enact fantasies in a safe environment. For a long time, I maintained a cyber apartment with a woman in Oregon; we had every room mapped out, knew where everything was and used that knowledge to our collective advantage when ‘in session.’ But it was also a kind of refuge from our rather turbulent offline lives, so I like cybersex for that reason, too, as an escape from reality.”

Wait, you had an entire cybersex apartment? That’s awesome. That means you sat down and brainstormed a whole imagined living space — sofas, tea pots, and all — so that you could have more satisfying cybersex by talking about sex that could take place there. Damn, maybe I need to start inventing myself cybersex mansions. “Here is my grand piano, on which I have sex. Here is my swimming pool, in which I have sex. Here is my diamond jewelry, which I wear when I have sex...”

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By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more online adventures from an SF-based cybersex expert…

Sunday, August 24

I am determined to have good cybersex. I’m a big believer that sex online is a valid and important form of sexual expression — but sometimes that’s hard to get across when I’m griping about the silly things people say in the throes of internet passion. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve considered setting up some sort of “fuck me” marathon: potential partners get half an hour to impress me. If they do, I’ll stick around and see things to their logical conclusion. If not, gong! It’s not that good partners don’t exist, it’s just that I’m too impatient to sift for them.

Like yesterday, I signed onto OkCupid in search of some cyber tail, just to set my cynicism straight. Right away I had a message from my sexy nurse, the one who’d been so fun to play with last time. Unfortunately, things turned unintentionally hilarious way too quick. In my main OkCupid picture, I happen to be holding a little, pink stuffed hippo. So this guy starts going off on how hot he thinks the photo is, and how turned on he is by what he calls “that little pig.” I should have let it go, but I couldn’t help myself:

Sexy nurse: I just get so hard looking at you and that little pig. Bonnie: You're turned on by the pig? Sexy nurse: Pigs are forbidden. Bonnie: They are? Sexy nurse: If you’re Jewish or Muslim.

Then I LoLed. Oh, how I LoLed. Because there is no one in the world who can keep up the sexiness of an online chat using pork and keeping Kosher as material. A friend of mine recently suggested I start writing about the humorous things people say during cybersex. I thought, “Do you read my column?”

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By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more online adventures from an SF-based cybersex expert…

Monday, August 18th

I signed up for MyBlackBook today, and boy was that place depressing.

I’m working on a new column about sites like MyBlackBook and Bedpost, which help you keep track of your offline sex life. As always, that means I need to sign up for them myself. Unfortunately, Bedpost is still in closed beta, and MyBlackBook looks dreadfully lifeless. Unlike OkCupid, it doesn’t scream, “Tell me your secrets!” It more screams, “I’m sterile and awkward to navigate!”

More importantly, I can’t say I see myself using their system. The basic idea is to make entries for every person you’ve slept with. So, after a night of fun, you log onto the site and record the who, what, where, when, and how. Not only does the system have the nerve to ask you exactly what sexual positions you tried, it also wants the full name and phone number of the people you jumped. Secure or not, there doesn’t seem to be any reason to tell the internet that. Then the site asks for your partners’ birthdays. Um, aren’t you happy I know their full names?

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By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more online adventures from an SF-based cybersex expert…

Wednesday, July 30, 11:30 a.m.

Oh no, it’s the return of the awkward “LOL.”

A few years back, I wrote a piece about how middle-aged men resting their exposed genitals on the plastic straps of lawn chairs use terms like "LOL" to mitigate their sheer ridiculousness. I should probably explain. At the time I had an older sugar daddy in Second Life who, when talking about the things he was doing in real life (e.g. sitting around naked in a lawn chair), would often end his sentences with "laugh out loud," as if that somehow made what he was saying more normal and less weird. It was an interesting way for a popular internet abbreviation that's supposed to mean you're having a good time to instead mean, "Don't judge me!"

Well, it seems the awkward LOL is back in my life, and it's once again in use by an older man. I've mentioned I put out a call on Beautiful Stranger, my cybersex matchmaking site, for "research participants"--i.e. people to have sex with me online for science. One of the people who've responded is a forty-something surfer from Hawaii who spends a lot of time on a site called 321SexChat. I agreed to check it out with him, but we keep missing each other. That somehow leads him to send me messages like the following: "You know, it really sucks being at work when you'd rather be engaged in some form of wild behavior that results in a climax. LOL."

LOL indeed, sir. LOL indeed.

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By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more online adventures from an SF-based cybersex expert…

Friday, July 25, 11:17 p.m.

A few interesting developments in the land of my love/hate relationship with Internet dating sites:

1) The boy who dared me to stick my hand down his pants in public – while on a date we’d arranged online -- recently resurfaced after a few weeks of silence. I had just been thinking to myself, “Well, that’s strange. He sure seemed interested, at least sexually, and then he disappeared. This whole dating thing is bizarre. Whatevs.” Then he appeared from out of the blue, claimed he’d been busy, said he’d had a great time when we went out, and even invited me to join his writing group. Like, we’d talk? My newest theory: he was seeing someone for a couple weeks and he thought it might go somewhere. Now I’m of course debating whether to wait an equally long time before stooping to replying to his message. Not that I haven’t spent twice as long as it would take to respond sitting here blogging about him.

2) On a happier note, I met a cute, sweet, sexy boy from one site over the weekend. We actually had things to say to each other that didn’t involve sexual positions (not that that’s a bad topic of discussion, but I’d prefer someone gives two shits about me in general). In fact, following our 2:00 p.m. coffee date, my partner and I spent the next 24 hours with him. Needless to say, fun was had, fun of the offline variety I won’t bore you with here. Personally I’m psyched to have a new friend in addition to a new playmate — even if this one is unfortunately leaving the Bay Area in a couple weeks. Sad face.

Online dating, you’ve got my faith back, at least for now. Just don’t mess it up.

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By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more online adventures from an SF-based cybersex expert.

Monday, July 14, 2:21 a.m.

I think I'm selling myself for traffic. Or really, I'm giving myself away for free.

As a side project, I started a cybersex matchmaking site this week called Beautiful Stranger. It began with the idea that there should be somewhere online to meet up with other cybersex enthusiasts that's not quite so shady as, say, AOL chat rooms and doesn't take as long to get started with as Second Life. I used Ning.com to put the site together, so it's got profiles and forums and hopefully everything a body could need to hunt down a fun cybersex partner. Now all it lacks is people.

To get things started I've published a forum thread on the site looking for new cybersex research partners i.e. people to have cybersex with in the name of "science." Really, it's a way to get users exploring the forums, filling out profiles, and so on. Plus, a girl has got to keep researching, otherwise what would she write about? Still, I can't help but feel like I'm putting my own cyber body on the line for the sake of daily site traffic.

Since it got started, Beautiful Stranger has already picked up a little bit, and I've had a number of replies to my "Who wants to have research cybersex with me?" query. Hopefully some interesting encounters will come it (at the moment things are still on the flirting/planning level), otherwise it's just going to feel like giving hand jobs in exchange for page views...

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“Just Because I Want to Have Sex Doesn’t Mean I Want to Have Sex with You”
By Bonnie Ruberg

A girl can get into a lot of trouble out there on the internet—especially when that girl is a cybersex columnist. For more than a year now, I’ve been writing Click Me, a weekly cybersex advice column for VillageVoice.com. As you can imagine, I have a lot of online trysts for research. Sometimes the sex is good, sometimes bad, sometimes awkward and hilarious—but it’s all in the name of “science.”

Having just moved out to San Francisco, I thought I’d give something new a try: cybersex blogging. That means divulging all the dirty details behind the sex life of a professional internet sexpert. Here are some tidbits from this first week:

Wednesday, July 9, 4:32 p.m.

I love how people think I should drop what I’m doing and do them.

Because I write about cybersex, people tend to think I want to have it at all times of the day, with everyone, no matter what I’m doing. What they don’t seem to get is that having cybersex is part of my job. Therefore, when my IM status reads “busy,” I really am–whether or not you have pants on.

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