Five Disturbing Tales of Plots to Kill Musicians

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Madonna and stalker Robert Dewey Hoskins
Sometimes, being a rich and famous musician is downright terrifying. It's impossible to know what motivates twisted humans to want to murder celebrities, but it's something that has only narrowly been avoided on several recent occasions. Here are five musicians who were targeted by psychos, but made it out alive (thank God, good neighbors, overzealous journalists, and security guards.)


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Hey Sexist Tabloids, Taylor Swift's Dating Habits Are Perfectly Reasonable

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As you may have heard, Taylor Swift broke up with her latest fling -- One Direction's Harry Styles -- a few weeks ago. Tabloids and gossip magazines have been having a field day with this ever since. Timelines of her boyfriends, reports of the fight that allegedly caused Swift to bail on Styles mid-vacation, and, worst of all, a lot of deep analysis about why Taylor Swift just cannot hold down a relationship. Some articles have painted her as a shameless harpy, using and discarding men to drum up material for her music. Some have pondered why poor, sad, pathetic Taylor just can't keep a man. And some have decided to dish out advice where she never freakin' asked for it, thank you very much.


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Why Do People Hate Kreayshawn So Much?

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This week, NYC rapper Azealia Banks called Kreayshawn a "dumb bitch." The outburst was prompted by Kreayshawn putting a link to Banks' "212" video on Twitter, via a porn website. We understand why a serious lady rapper would be offended by forcibly being associated with pornography, but obviously, Banks isn't the first to be incensed by the 21-year-old upstart. People are going to fucking hate Kreayshawn regardless of what she does on Twitter.
 
The amount of venom thrown her way is tremendous and, given how catchy and smart "Gucci Gucci" was, you have to wonder why. It does feel a little like people are desperate to find reasons to hate her sometimes -- often to a point where the reasons are more knee-jerk than rational. Kreayshawn is mostly a figure of fun and frivolity, yet she has the power to provoke incredible viciousness.


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Michael Jackson's Hair Gets Turned into a Roulette Ball (We're Not Kidding)

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Yesterday, we had to walk away from our desks and go and sit in a darkened room for an hour to mourn the fact that exploitative, sick-fuck-dom just got taken to a whole new level by three separate groups of people, operating together as a sort of bloated super-leech. Prepare to wrinkle up your face in disgust as we tell you that a website called Online Gambling Pal recently purchased some of Michael Jackson's hair (for $10,871) and is -- in a move that even Elvis' jumpsuit designer would probably call tacky -- turning it into a roulette ball.


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Is Courtney Love Mentally Ill?

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In case you missed it, last Saturday, while performing at Brazil's SWU festival, Courtney Love had a minor meltdown after an audience member repeatedly held up a photo of Kurt Cobain. "I don't need to see a picture of Kurt, asshole!" she yelled. "And I'm going to have you fucking removed if you keep holding that up. I'm not Kurt, I have to live with his shit and his ghost and his kid every day and throwing that up is stupid and rude and I'm going to beat the fuck out of you if you do it again."

On first seeing this, we thought, "You go, Courtney!" Just as Yoko Ono will always be remembered under the specter of breaking up the Beatles, Courtney will never get out from under the shadow of her deceased husband. It must be a heart-breaking, ultra-stressful, and, on some level, insulting thing to be faced with every day. 

But then, just as we're with her, she goes and does what she always does: veers right and heads straight on into crazy town. "You didn't get kicked out of a band by him like Dave did," Courtney yells at the audience member. "Go see the fuckin' Foo Fighters and do that shit." After that, it's all downhill. Observe:

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Michael Jackson News: Jury Selection in the Conrad Murray Trial Is Not Actually News

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So the big music news doing the rounds yesterday was that -- gasp! -- jury selection has commenced in the upcoming Michael Jackson involuntary manslaughter case! Wow! Yes, truthfully we're as curious as the next guy to see how this whole thing plays out -- but, sweet baby Jesus, who really gives a toss about the jury selection?


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Tonight Is Your Chance To See Michael Cera (Yes, the Actor!) Play a Real-Life Indie-Rocker

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Michael Cera is this dude's name
This criterion would have made a fantastic addition to our investigation into what makes a "supergroup": Your impromptu bassist is a simmering teen hearthrob of the aw-shucks indie variety.

Or, hell: Your impromptu bassist is freaking Michael Cera

See him play a rock star in real life tonight, San Francisco. With a "supergroup."

We're not even close to kidding.

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Chicago Critic's Pitchfork Dis Gets the Blogosphere Steaming

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Jason Stoff
Robyn at the Pitchfork Music Festival in Chicago

Just when it seemed cool to hate the taste-making music site Pitchfork, one critic went and ripped the site (and its music festival in Chicago this past weekend) a good one. So how did indie-loving blogs and blog readers respond -- that is, in addition to rushing to Pitchfork's defense?

By calling the critic fat.

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