Top 10 Songs You Should Probably Definitely Not Play on Valentine's Day (Seriously)
By RYAN RITCHIE
Good music tends to get people in the mood. Sadly, not every artist is Marvin Gaye, nor is every song "Let's Get It On." Some tunes, while perfectly awesome in their own right, just don't have the right ingredients to make people want to get naked. And seeing how today is Valentine's Day, the last thing anyone needs is a soundtrack that makes you keep your clothes on. With that in mind, here are 10 songs that should be saved for Saturday -- or really, any other day but today.
10. Amy Winehouse - "You Know I'm No Good"
Even if you aren't any good at the horizontal tango, you don't want to tell your partner that. Especially before doing the deed. Plus, no matter how amazing this song is, or how unfuckingbelievable the entire Back to Black record is, I can't hear an Amy Winehouse song without thinking about how she's dead. Maybe that's your thing. (If so, I highly recommend the remix of this song with Ghostface Killah.) However, if thinking about the deceased while getting naked isn't your idea of fun, save this one for some other time.
9. Beyonce featuring Jay-Z - "Drunk in Love"
Picture it: Valentine's Day. Midnight. You've had a few glasses of wine and a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant. Back at home, some making out begins on the couch. Suddenly, clothes are flying off. Then this song comes on, and quickly -- depending on your role in the relationship -- your mind drifts to one of two thoughts: 1) You weren't in Destiny's Child, and didn't go on to a ridiculously successful solo career only to marry the best rapper alive; or, 2) You aren't the best rapper alive, didn't marry the sexiest, richest, most talented female solo artist alive, and you most certainly have never done anything half as awesome as The Blueprint. Just like that, you're comparing whatever schlub you've got with Bey or Hov -- and we're all gonna lose that one. Next thing you know, you aren't drunk in love. You're just drunk.
8. The Smiths - "Girlfriend in a Coma"
If it's Valentine's Day and you're thinking about your girlfriend being in a coma, you're doing something very, very wrong. Unless, of course, you are thinking about putting your significant other in a coma 'cause you finna do work like it was your honeymoon. If that's the case, then by all means, play this song. Don't worry -- they'll pull through.
7. Ornette Coleman - "Free Jazz"
Yes, "Free Jazz" is a killer 37-minute improvised avant garde jazz tune composed by a double quartet. Sadly, killer 37-minute improvised avant garde jazz tunes composed by double quartets are not and never will be synonymous with "let's knock boots."
6. MC Hammer - "U Can't Touch This"
Hammer's my boy, but, um, on Valentine's Day, he's wrong -- you most certainly can touch this.