Craigslist Post Seeks Coachella Boyfriends: Mostly Normal, Good at Beer Pong, and No "Whiney Ass Bitch Music"

Categories: Coachella, Comedy

coachella-pink-shorts-2013-450.jpg
Christopher Victorio
Pink shorts optional.
Hey all you tall, normal, Coachella weekend-one-ticket-holding bros in San Francisco! Do you need a stand-in girlfriend or two for the weekend of April 11-13? Do you embrace morning day-drinking? Are over 24? Able to carry a female human on your shoulders?

Then let us draw your attention to this Craigslist post, which not-so-humbly requests "2 males interested in spending part of their Coachella experience with 2 fun-loving girls." Here are some of the specifications you must meet:

"General personality and character should be represented by approximately 30% bro (don't lie, there is a little of it in all of you -- just admit it to yourself and save us the time), 7.5% hipster/indie, 12.5% raver and 50% normal.

Coachella Boyfriends should be interested (but not limited to) seeing some of the following acts: Outkast, Adventure Club, Zedd, Fatboy Slim, Big Gigantic, Kid Cudi, Calvin Harris, Elli Goulding, Gareth Emery, Alesso, Lorde, Duck Sauce, Showtek."

Other requirements:

- 24 years or older

- 6 feet tall (willing to accept 5'11" if you are *actually* that height - no rounding up, let's be honest here)

- Know how to handle your shit (blacking out and forgetting the festival is the minor leagues buddy)

- Understands and appreciates the natural wonder that is car camping

- Embraces morning day-drinking

- Bonus for above-par beer pong skills

Oh, and "absolutely no applicants with an affinity for AFI (aka whiney ass bitch music)."

And what will you get if your picture, disposition, and musical tastes pass muster? What do the two fun-loving girls offer in exchange for you holding them on your shoulders during Zedd? What will you, mister tall, slightly ravey, beer pong-expert Coachella Boyfriend get for your efforts?

Well, huh. The post doesn't seem to say....

Update: There seem to be parodies spawning on Craiglist already. (Here's another one.)

[Craiglist]

-- @iPORT



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28 comments
Gabriela Perez
Gabriela Perez

well i mean if they have to go on craigslist to find a guy to spend the day with.... that says it all.

Rolland Swing II
Rolland Swing II

These girls sound horrific. Don't wanna imagine how they look. #GLADTOBEGAY

Nate Payne
Nate Payne

I don't lose sleep on weak shit like this!

Paul Varga
Paul Varga

Stoned and drunk off of their asses? Of COURSE they did!

Teresa Swift
Teresa Swift

No doubt they expect the lucky guys to buy their tickets too...

SF Bites
SF Bites

Motorhead is the only decent band!

Francesca Darby
Francesca Darby

why the hell wouldnt you just go there and meet somebody?

Leif Olonan
Leif Olonan

SChmordan River Rob Obedoza What's a beer pong?

Jackie Tom
Jackie Tom

Christopher Ryan: As if! We would never car camp. Christina C. Harris

Christopher Ryan
Christopher Ryan

Christina C. Harris now I know this isn't you or Jackie Tom, right? lol

Tina Ward
Tina Ward

Torris, beware of these ladies. They're on the look out for you.

Jesse Mazzella
Jesse Mazzella

"General personality and character should be represented by approximately 30% bro (don't lie, there is a little of it in all of you -- just admit it to yourself and save us the time), 7.5% hipster/indie, 12.5% raver and 50% normal." you're 100% retarded.

Joseph Clerici
Joseph Clerici

How does one avoid whiney ass bitch music at Coachella? I kid, I kid.

Michael Richmond
Michael Richmond

2 skanks seek hipster douchebags to score free shit off them at the worlds lamest festival

Ruben Dominguez
Ruben Dominguez

Two coachella bfs and even more STDs ... Where do I sign up ?

Tristan Perkins
Tristan Perkins

But Thai Shaffer, you're the most hipster person I know

Thai Shaffer
Thai Shaffer

Tristan Perkins maybe you should consider this

Bianca Ubeda
Bianca Ubeda

Smh like you can't find hipster dudes to bang at Coachella

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