R. Kelly Releases the Most Rapey Song of the Year, Womankind Cringes

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Ever since he unleashed the utter lunacy that was the Trapped in the Closet series, it became impossible for us to view R. Kelly as anything other than a figure of fun, of ridicule; an ambassador for people who have no grasp of reality the world over. Put simply, the kind of musician that rhymes the words "Bridget" and "midget" just never deserves to be taken seriously ever again -- no matter how many misguided teens perform "I Believe I Can Fly" on American Idol

A few years ago, we were almost offended when R. Kelly released "Pregnant" -- a song so incredibly reductive and sexist, we'd have been up in arms about all of that barefoot-and-handcuffed-to-the-kitchen-sink stuff if it hadn't been far too ridiculous to get truly enraged about. (That's what happens when you put a straight-faced "knock you up!" refrain in the background of your shitty ballad.)

This week, however, R. Kelly released a song and accompanying video that can only be described as an absolute skin-crawler. As you watch "Cookie," it's impossible not to suddenly remember that: "Oh, yeah! Before Trapped in the Closet was cracking us up, this guy was totally accused of pissing on, and having sex with, his own 14-year-old goddaughter!"

Prepare to feel totally violated, degraded and objectified, (all) females (everywhere):



In the clip for "Cookie," R. Kelly's video bitches aren't just dehumanized objects and accessories (as is the hip-hop standard lately), they are literal servants. Which is imagery that, when coupled with lines like "Gonna beat the pussy 'til it's blue", "Break your back, crack it open like a lobster" and "I kill the pussy, dig a grave" feels extraordinarily rapey. Not to mention the fact that that whole heavy-handed vagina-as-Oreo metaphor sounds like something a child molester might say.

"Cookie" isn't just a creep-fest, it's downright disturbing. If this is the kind of hateful shit that he says about women on tape, what the hell is he saying behind closed doors? Newsflash, Kelly: women (of the non-masochistic majority) want their genitals beaten about as much as you wanna get punched in the balls.

We wish we could just laugh "Cookie" off and dismiss it as nonsense, but the anti-woman, females-as-meaningless-accessories vibe is getting so damn mainstream, you have to start wondering how far modern R&B will go before the brakes get jammed on. R. Kelly's insanity was funny when it was poured into nonsensical short films that played out like a bad soap opera -- but now things have taken a decidedly hateful turn, it's actually kind of scary.

Regardless of how awful and unintentionally hilarious 2014's installment of Trapped in the Closet turns out to be, it's definitely time to stop laughing at R. Kelly. This man doesn't deserve any of our financial support, whether we're mocking him or not.

-- @Raemondjjjj

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22 comments
asiannicholekidman22
asiannicholekidman22

how can the same talent that wrote "I BELIEVE I CAN FLY" even

be a part of something like that? ……..the answer is because

he isn't aware of his talent……u do shit like this on your first single, get noticed & ELEVATE YOUR MIND…..He's beyond going backwards, he's sunken to an all time low…….. shame on

you as swipe kelly!!! Proof your talent isn't a blessing…. i get the

whole "yo i'm writ in shit on da real for my jig gas" ….um then why didn't u just bounce a lowrider in a park & rip that shit out?

……the video budget was too Expensive & out of reach to reach

being RAW!! i don't ever want to eat an OREO again….YUCK! 

i use to love den cookies… licking an OREO will never be the same…bwahaha i bet NABISCO is gon be pissed!!!

YOUR MIND SHE BE TELLING YOU NOOOOOOOOOO!!

Why u gotta mess with my snack time YO!! MORE THAN A METAPHOR….

THIS is some scientology bad engram shit!!! Yo! YO! i feel

molested & shit now!!!  

April Kavan
April Kavan

R. Kelley is the worst! Was really surprised to see Lady Gaga perform with him on SNL, shame on her!!

Jeffrey Thompson
Jeffrey Thompson

And luckily you gave him even more exposure. Well done...

Carole Unadella
Carole Unadella

Hey it's mostly about his oral fixation - he wants to lick it like an Oreo. Let's not take this too seriously. The writer is offended by his line about cracking lobsters? They're called metaphors - people. Wacky ones, but metaphors nonetheless.

Sarah Nobles
Sarah Nobles

....and Kanye.Still the duechiest most despicable, deplorable man alive.We should give them both some Vlad treatment.You like servants?I like heads on a pole.

Christopher Melgar
Christopher Melgar

This guy peed on a child after having sex with her. Fucking disgusting how humans treat the financially rich and famous.

Aracely Lopez
Aracely Lopez

"The Most Rapey Song of the Year" Did ya'll forget Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines, or are we gonna pretend that didn't happen?

Jeff Murry
Jeff Murry

Kells can do WAY BETTER than stuff like this....sounds like hes trying to appeal to people that listen to Trey Songz or something

Hiram Rodriguez
Hiram Rodriguez

R. Kelly is either a genius or a raving lunatic (or both) either way he knows how to stay relevant. Currently he has 1,510,909 views on Youtube and he has people talking on social media like we're doing here. Mission accomplished.

Jim Yu
Jim Yu

You know comedian, aziz ansari's gone have a field day on this one.

Jim Yu
Jim Yu

Wow. Lol. Hilarious. All I could think of was this would be a great mash up track to "woke up in a new bugahitti."

Jesse Mills
Jesse Mills

Also, you should tell R Kelley that every song he puts out somehow speaks for all black men, or males, AND HE SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL

Jesse Mills
Jesse Mills

It's a fucking SONG, you dink. Stop projecting everything onto you, or womankind, it's ridiculous and only seems to serve you looking like some preening crusader on a pedestal. Saving us from... Songs?

Anne Taiz
Anne Taiz

the girl is delivered to him like child sex slaves are delivered. This makes black men look horrible. They need to stand up and tell him enough. He doesn't care about what women think, yet his entire ego depends on them.

Stephen Davis
Stephen Davis

I wish MTV still had unplugged so we could hear the acoustic version.

Jay Emm
Jay Emm

Joaquin Martinez your Jam! Hahaha

Mesooffended
Mesooffended

And the more whiny pseudo-sensitive types like yourself share your typical and feigned outrage regarding stupid junk like this, the more stupid junk like this will be produced, becuase that translates to popularity and money.

People are always looking for reasons to be offended. How about ignoring crap like this, instead? It's much easier and more productive.

Shit. You want to be all offended as a "lady"? Watch yourself some Earl Sweatshirt on the old youtube. In fact, start with the video "Earl", and let me know what you think about that.

The world, with all its fucking violence, senseless death, war, starvation, child abuse, rape, etc, etc, is fucking offensive in and of itself. Most human beings are fucking offensive, period. You don't need to look for worthless, meaningless, powerless crap like this stupid nigga-got-me-some-dirty-womens video to become offended.

rae_alexandra
rae_alexandra

Good point!! Man, there's been some competition this year... Gross.

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