Five Reasons Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball" Video Makes Us More Uncomfortable Than Her VMAs Performance

Categories: Bummer
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A couple of weeks ago the world was up in arms over Miley Cyrus' VMAs performance. All that tongue-wagging, crotch-rubbing, nude-bikini-wearing stuff seemed to alarm the fuck out of a great many people. We understand why, of course, but we couldn't -- and can't -- fathom why it was such a huge surprise. Anyone who'd seen the video for "We Can't Stop" beforehand (and it has been viewed on YouTube more than 187 million times at this point) would see that MTV's stage was just used as an extension of that already-very-popular clip. And, aside from the obvious cultural appropriation problems, and poor execution of the twerk, we rather liked that video.

This week, however, Ms. Cyrus debuted her new video for "Wrecking Ball," and gave us something to be truly, deeply horrified by. Behold: one of the worst videos ever made:



Having just watched that, we understand that you now immediately want to go and wash your eyes out with salt water. But stay with us for a moment while we run through the five reasons the "Wrecking Ball" video makes us 100 times more uncomfortable than Miley Cyrus' VMAs performance.

1. Nude Bikini vs. Actual Nudity

Miley's actual outfit at the VMAs was that weird furry-bear-face, rave-looking thing. When she stripped down to the "nude" bikini and put that infamous foam finger on, she was nodding to Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" clip (which is seven different kinds of sexist btw). Miley was playing along and poking fun at Thicke's video -- if anything, her weird flesh-colored outfit was funny. In "Wrecking Ball" though, she's actually legit naked and trying to be serious-face-sexy. Which, because we've seen Miley Cyrus grow up in real-time, feels a little bit like accidentally walking in on your cousin in the shower... and then having them hit on you.

2. The Fun Factor

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Here's the thing about Miley's VMAs performance: girl looked like she was having a stupid-good time -- just a ridiculous amount of fun. It's interesting that, year after year, young women being sexually submissive on stage is part and parcel of the pop industry (see: Rihanna, Britney back in the day etc.), but if you rub your crotch while pulling "ugly faces" and thrusting like a horny dog, then it's lewd. "Wrecking Ball" is so darn icky because its scenes of Miley naked and riding a giant ball are intercut with scenes of Miley crying. Watching this video feels a bit like going to a strip club, leering at the dancers for a couple of hours, then popping backstage afterward to try and paw at the sad ones. Gross.

3. Cartoon Sexiness vs. Overwrought Sexual Imagery

We couldn't have envisioned a couple of weeks ago that Miley Cyrus would ever perform a less subtle implied sex act than when she stuck that foam finger between her legs and thrust at the VMAs' audience, like an over-caffeinated flasher on a train. Oh how wrong we were. What "Wrecking Ball" gives us -- in a series of incredibly cringe-worthy shots -- are images of Miley Cyrus making out with a sledgehammer. Licking an actual hammer. And then lying around spread-eagle with it afterwards. Real subtle, you guys.

4. Terry Goddamn Richardson

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Did anybody in the Miley Cyrus camp bother to research Terry Richardson at all before hiring him to be the director of "Wrecking Ball"? This dude already has a major reputation for being one of the creepiest photographers in the fashion biz -- not just because of his love for photographing young women in poses that sometimes sexualize childhood, but also because of his fondness for allegedly conducting shoots while completely naked and waving his cock around. It's one thing leaving him in a room with (the very empowered) Lady Gaga while she acts out some stripper fantasies, but leaving him to direct a video for a young woman who clearly still hasn't figured out quite how to express her post-teen sexual awakening is a goddamn recipe for disaster. If Terry had directed Miley's VMAs performance, it's reasonably likely that an actual blow job would've been involved.

5. Sheer Imagination

At the VMAs, Miley performed a song about living young and free and partying unabashedly. To illustrate her point, she surrounded herself with giant teddy bears, twerking girls and large-buttocked ladies throwing candy at the audience. Here, she's singing a song titled "Wrecking Ball." So she sits on a wrecking ball. And wrecks some walls. Literal much?   

-- @Raemondjjjj

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21 comments
Franc LaCranc
Franc LaCranc

How can San Francisco people claim to be uncomfortable about anything? The only thing they are uncomfortable with are people who aren't comfortable with everything.

Michael G.
Michael G.

Thanks! I pulled it up to watch right after seeing this post.. Work it, Miley, work itt!!!

Vicki Potts
Vicki Potts

She's a wanna be.....my 17 y.o. granddaughter says she doesn't realize that she has responsibility to the younger kids because they look up to her.

Debbie Betancourt
Debbie Betancourt

I can't even stand to see this picture. I have to hide this post from you guys. Sorry.

Cr Tez
Cr Tez

I love her porn videos...eeeeeeeeeerrrrrr....music videos.....lol........ :D

Christopher Le
Christopher Le

I don't care what anyone says, my boner is hella hard right now son!

Ed Zick
Ed Zick

I found that video to be very artistic - her VMA may have been a bit over the top, but that video was actually tasteful in todays era.She has talent and artistic nerve, and I am not even a fan. Prince's music has gone way past hers in rawness, and he got the same lameness from critics. Talent that pushes boundaries in uncomfortable ways seem to almost always get that type of critique - even from liberal sources - I would have expected better from SF Weekly.

John Lilly
John Lilly

I like her. Not even close to freaky by SF standards. Not sure why SF Weekly gets uncomfortable by this at all.

Ryan D. K. Brady
Ryan D. K. Brady

I wouldn't say she's garbage. She's pretty and she has a nice voice. Her songs need some more character, and she needs to stop confusing being risque with taking artistic risks.

dw001
dw001

Worthy premise, but I don't agree that this is what is going on here. Instead these performances seem more like conscious, intentional, acts designed as rebellious and radical self expression. While having a sub-text of commentary on the conflict between the sexes, and therefore a critique of the female's portrayal as the weaker/vulnerable - inherently. 

All in all - for someone raised in the public eye - I would have to say this is some crazy sexy work from Miley. Breakout, liberation, etc. 

Eric Eberman
Eric Eberman

you are all fucking idiots for even caring about this stupidity at this time. the world is in crisis and all you care about is an immature attention seeking moron... look in the mirror because you, SF WEEKLY, are a big part of the problem because you refuse to devote attention to the disaster going on around us. (rant aimed at the faux newspaper, not at people responding)

Francine Bastet
Francine Bastet

Let's not compare the two... there is NO comparison. Miley is garbage... period.

Brett Roberts
Brett Roberts

I like the song and I like the video. I will admit, licking a sledgehammer is a little odd, but then again so is wearing a meat dress.

Sofi Madison
Sofi Madison

well, she's good at discomfort... that's her thang-thang

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