Are Rubber Hand Bras a Thing Now? And 14 Other Questions Raised by Lady Gaga's "Applause" Video
She lives for the applause, applause, applause, she lives for the applause-plause -- this much we understand about Lady Gaga. What we don't understand is what the b'Jesus is going on in the video for her new single. This hyper-weird enigma of a clip raises more questions than it answers, so let's take a look and dissect this, one wringer at a time...
0:09: Gaga writhes around on a bare mattress in her undies. Is this what she looked like when she was performing with Lady Starlight in all those dingy New York dives before the big-time beckoned? (We hope so... Bitch is smokin'.)
0:15: Is Lady Gaga a rabbit in a hat?
0:22: Is Lady Gaga wearing the world's largest airbag?
0.25: Gaga frantically runs inside a lady-sized birdcage. The lesson here is clear: when in prison, it is always important to get your exercise, no matter how small the cell. Or something.
0:28: Lady Gaga is in a giant cauldron. Does she want you to eat her for dinner?
0:36: Is vogue-ing still a thing?
0:41: Why don't more designers use Gaga on the runway? Everyone needs to follow Thierry Mugler's example, as of now.
0:48: Victoria's Secret catwalk wings now look so lame.
0:51: Is that a suit jacket made of old man hard candy? Somebody lick it and find out please...
0:52: Horse tail?
1:13: Is this bit going to make mimes a "thing"?
1:23: Botticelli's Venus pasties. Hot or not?
1:28: Why hasn't anyone made a rubber glove hand bra until now? Genius!
1:36: Why is Gaga a black swan in a furry egg wearing Adam Ant make-up? (We really need an answer to this one.)
2:34: Kate Bush in "Babooshka"? Is that really you? And if so, why do you have a gigantic joint full of flowers with you?
2:57: Wait. Are you allowed to wear strap-ons in pop videos now?
3:02: Dude. Why is Beyonce so angry?
3:20: How do crotch pasties made of seashells stay on? (Please don't say super-glue.)