Bruno Mars' "When I Was Your Man": An Effective Cure for Insomnia

Hey insomniacs, how are you dealing with your sleep deprivation these days? Nothing worse than lying around all night, unable to switch your brain off, watching the clock and knowing you're going to feel like ass tomorrow. Well, we might have just stumbled across a non-habit-forming sleep aid for you, courtesy of Bruno Mars.  Sure, he's funky sometimes. And he has a good voice. And he has really cool male back-up dancers. And his Michael Jackson impersonation on SNL was pretty funny. New single, "When I Was Your Man," however, is a fuckin' snooze fest of the highest order. Try and keep your eyes open for this, then remember to use it the next time it's 4 a.m. and you have an important meeting in the morning:



We know this is supposed to be a heartbreaking, regret-fueled, tear-prompting ballad. Problem is, it's utterly pedestrian and full of rhyming couplets that make us want to beat ourselves over the head with a thesaurus. It's just so... pre-teen.

And maybe that's who this song is aimed at: young girls who have an idea of what love and heartbreak are about, but only know what it looks like on the Disney channel and in Twilight movies: Simplistic and contrived and a little bit flower-based.

The thing is, Bruno, relationships don't break down because you didn't dance with someone enough. And we don't really think that hand-holding is the backbone for a good marriage. So when that's your reasoning for a woman leaving you, it is impossible for us to feel one iota of sympathy for you. No matter how sad your piano is.

We thought it would never get any worse than "The Lazy Song." We were wrong. We just give thanks that, this time at least, there aren't any monkey masks in the video.

-- @Raemondjjjj

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