A$AP Rocky's New Song Should've Been in CB4
Remember that awesome 1993 Chris Rock movie, CB4? Which basically zoomed in on the extremes of rap culture, parodied them, and got the world to see how absurd it all was? The songs in that movie were laugh-out-loud funny precisely because they were so painfully close to the real thing, but just an inch further into the realm of ridiculous. We mention this because today's worst new song of the week is so incredibly dumb, and so chock full of insane, unintentional satire, that if this thing had shown up in CB4, it would've blended right in.
We present to you "Fuckin' Problem" by A$AP Rocky, featuring Drake, Kendrick Lamar, and 2 Chainz. A song so stupid, we kind of thought it was a hoax for a minute:
The only way we can fully do this track's absurdity justice is to really get a good look at the poetic genius on display here, with a list of our favorite lyrics.
1. "I love bad bitches, got my fuckin' problem. And yeah I like to fuck, I got a fuckin' problem. I love bad bitches, got my fuckin' problem. And yeah I like to fuck, I got a fuckin' problem. I love bad bitches, got my fuckin' problem. And yeah I like to fuck, I got a fuckin' problem" is, literally, about a hundred times dumber than the opening verse of this:
2. "Cause I'm the nigga, the nigga nigga, that's how you figure... They say money make a nigga act niggerish, but at least a nigga nigga rich" is significantly worse than this:
3. The following lines: "Make that thing pop like a semi or a nine, oh baby like it raw with a shimmy shimmy ya";"Lord, I don't really say this often, but this long dick nigga ain't for the long talkin'";"Girl I know you want this dick"; would all be more than comfortable in this CB4 classic:
So how did these clowns record "Fuckin' Problem," without noticing how hilarious it is? Don't any of them understand how many stereotypes they're falling back on? Don't they know that Halle Berry already has an entire song about her? How is the line "Halle. Berry. Hale. Lujah. Holler. Back. I'll. Do ya" ever going to win her over, when Hurricane Chris already exists?
"Fuckin' Problem" is so far beyond inane and brainless, it's basically a sign that modern music has passed through the point of being ironic all over itself and come out the other side merely dumber and more meaningless than ever before. In short: it's not a joke -- but it should be. We can only hope that now Drake (finally) has a high school diploma, he at least, might become less of a dum-dum. Not sure we hold out much hope for the other three...