Christina Aguilera's "Your Body": Even Tackier Than "Dirrty"

your body.jpg

Remember when Christina Aguilera was all oily and gross and rolling around with her crotch out all the time? Talking about wanting to get "Dirrty" and stuff? And how depressing it was because she was so young? Well, new single "Your Body" proudly harks back to Xtina's days of filth -- it's as if Back To Basics and The Voice never happened -- only this time it's depressing for entirely different reasons.

Picture it, if you will: You're a 10-year-old boy with a famous singer for a mother and you want to find out more about her music. Imagine the sheer depth of horror and embarrassment you would experience if you were Son of Aguilera, being faced with "Your Body" for the first time. We should note that, in the radio edit, the chorus is "All I wanna do is love your body"... but the non-radio edit sounds like this:



Can we talk about the lyrics for a minute? We really need to talk about the lyrics for a minute. Because this shit is kind of nuts.

"So open the box, don't need a key, I'm unlocked". Seriously, Xtina?! Urban Dictionary defines "Box" as: "Female genitalia, usually used in a derogatory manner." What kind of woman thinks box is a subtle analogy for their own vagina? So heinous. Christ, even the "C" word is better than the "B" word.

And it gets worse...

"I don't need to know where you've been," Aguilera sings sassily. Actually, love, we think you do. If one is going to pick up a complete stranger and hump the crap out of them, it's generally sensible in 2012 to find out if, oh, I don't know, they have any communicable STDs. That sort of thing. Finding out where your sexual partners have been is kind of important, Xtina. You sound like a fucking idiot.

"All I wanna do is fuck your body." WOW. I mean... just... wow. We didn't think it was humanly possible to write a mainstream pop song even less subtle than Rihanna's "S&M," but Aguilera for the win! This literally couldn't be any tackier. On the plus side, strippers around the globe all have something new and exciting to dance to, so that's nice.


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7 comments
sohaveiforyou83
sohaveiforyou83

So...I'm just curious as to whether or not the writer, "Raemond," wrote a similarly scathing (and completely devoid of any true musical analysis) review of Enrique Iglesias' "Tonight I'm Fuckin' You."  (It should be noted that the clean version of Enrique's song that radio played substituted the word "lovin'" for "fuckin'.")  My guess is that he didn't, and I imagine the same goes for nearly all the "reviewers" who have gone after Christina over the racy content of this song.  The best part about all this is that Enrique actually co-wrote his song, while Christina is not credited as a co-writer in *her* song.  True, she still chose to release it, so she does bear some responsibility, but if we are going to make comparisons, Enrique deserves quite a bit more fire for his song.  It's not like that man is never going to have kids.  The moment he wants one, he will have one within a year. Regardless, I think the fact that Max has 2 parents who used to have "Naked Sundays" at home means that he is going to have a very "sexually liberal" upbringing--for better or for worse--and he probably won't be particularly bothered by his mom's racier songs.  If I were the son of a famous musician, I would be almost equally uncomfortable about my mom singing "Lady Marmalade" as I would be about her singing "Dirrty," "Get Mine, Get Yours," "Still Dirrty," "Candyman," "Nasty, Naughty Boy," "Not Myself Tonight," "Woohoo," "Desnudate," "Sex for Breakfast," "Vanity," or "Your Body."  I don't know why a song that is fairly graphic in describing and celebrating an encounter between a man and a whore seems to get a free pass in the "racy songs" department.

 

While I do think the lyrics read like they were written by a high school kid who would be lucky to get a 5 on the ACT (and *that* makes *me* wag my finger at Christina--even as a committed fan), I have to commend Max Martin for producing a song for Christina that sounds as far from being "Max Martin-y" as possible.  I thought I was going to loathe it, and while it still disappoints me because of its lyrics that flirt with the border of illiteracy, I think it will slam out of the speakers of my car sound system pretty nicely off the Apple Lossless copy from the CD next month.  Also, it's very refreshing to hear a true female vocalist on a club-oriented track again.

jalapeno
jalapeno

wow..really?  have you heard the other shit on the radio?  aguilera beats rihanna in tackiness?  seriously?  have you seen rihanna?  first of all, not only was this song produced by max martin, who is supposedly a pop artists wet dream since every song he writes turns to gold, but the video is also directed by another pop artists wet dream whose done videos for rihanna, beyonce, and lady gaga. so since you apparently are a songwriter i would like to see what you can come up with. you're obviously pretty skanky yourself since you basically admitted this, "Now, to be fair, we've all been there. Sexual partners -- especially casual ones -- don't always get the job done right, and you have to indulge in a spot of DIY".

 

and to go on and on about her son.  who the fuck are you to judge?  do you think that any of these pop stars kids are safe from anything?  please!  look it madonna's kids.  look it britney's kids.  have you heard their music?  have you seen a madonna video?  i'm sure no matter what, these kids are gonna grow up fucked up but it's not any of our business.  and to bring it up constantly in this article as if christina puts beats headphones on her sons head and makes him listen to her music is just ridiculous.  

 

sure the lyrics are over the top but to break it down and go the STD route is just fucking lame.  lighten up lady.  do you have a tampon lodged up so far that it's making you stupid?  one word to describe this article:

 

 

LAME!! 

tasejaycobs
tasejaycobs like.author.displayName 1 Like

I give you the worst piece of literacy my eyes have been graced with. Coming from the grotesque unfortunate creature from the pits of abyss that goes by the name of Rae Alexandra. With famous quotes in her writing such as “puppets are awesome. Second fact: puppets become even more awesome when you stick them in music videos” you know that this article is going to be one fucking hot mess.

 

I would bet my life on the fact that if we put RAE in the video bitch would blow up every television, computer screen, tablet & cell phone in the entire world. Firstly I would like to ask you, why you have so much angst and hate in your heart? Which idiot in SF would give you the right to express your cynical abhorring views, which have absolutely no basis. Next time you try and be witty, cleaver and funny in your writing try not loose focus on what you are writing about... I mean what a hot mess of a review.

 

XTINAFAN
XTINAFAN

OMGG!! SHUT UP!!! This is the most pathetic article ever! You do realize there's a TON of sexual songs out in this world, right?? S&M - Rihanna, Buttons - Pussycat Dolls, many Britney songs and even Striptease - Hinder... and in that song two sets of lyrics are... "Sucking off the paparazzi" and in the end, "F***ing all the paparazzi"...

 

Hate to say it, but that's what makes these songs good!! Nobody wants to hear a somebody sing a POP song or even ROCK song about how bright the sun's shining and the fact that they went shopping at the mall. At least not the age that follow's X-Tina. Yes, she's a mother but just because you're a mother, that doesn't mean your sexuality goes out the window. People still have needs and desires..... and also, if you've taken notice.. the song kinda fits with the generation! Hook-ups --- one night stands. That's not me specifically, I have a boyfriend, but the song still has an aspect to it that makes me think of him and he knows that! He doesn't care. I guess it's THE CHORUS! .... "ALL I WANNA DO IS F*** YOUR BODY!"

 

Christina's been in this industry for over a decade! She's made tons of songs and they all fit in a WIDE RANGE of meaning... hate to say, but sexual music sells and the fact that it's just a great song in general, makes it ten times better. If you have a problem with her music and this song... I suggest you just don't listen to it. When it comes on the radio, change the station cause apparently you're TOO PRUDE to be accepting of such HORRIFYING lyrics.

 

NOT TO MENTION... THE VIDEO IS INCREDIBLE... SO SUCK IT!

geraintsouthgate
geraintsouthgate like.author.displayName 1 Like

What a f*cking ridiculous article!!!!! Madonna, Britney etc. release sexual music and have loads of sexual imagery in their music videos THEY HAVE SONS. Who cares? Whoever wrote this is just pathetic and clearly doesn't like Christina as a person and doesn't particularly care about the music. Yes it's not full of meaning she did loads of Ballads on Bionic that weren't successful so she's trying something new. It's just fun, it's a great dance song. Unlike some artists she doesn't take herself too seriously and that's why people like her! She's showing that mothers can still have freedom with their sexuality and image! The closed minded person who wrote this mess of an article is a disgrace!!! AND the video in that link isn't the official explicit version IT'S A FAN MADE REMIX!!! GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT! this is so unproffesional what is this absolute mess???

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